After years of searching, I’ve finally found rap’s foremost innovator.

Like most conscious human beings with undeniably great taste, I spend many a restless night wondering what Vanilla Ice is doing right at this very moment.

Is he watching “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze,” wondering why critics unjustly bashed his lyrical tour de force known as “Go Ninja Go”? Did he secretly pen the YouTube sensation “Friday” for Rebecca Black? Is he a respected political figure in Northern Finland? Has he finally made the obvious transition to Bollywood superstar?

Since the season two finale of “The Surreal Life,” the lyrical maestro has been extremely elusive. In the years since his absence, members of the rap community have been unsuccessfully attempting to replicate his incandescent wordplay and flawless sense of street style.

It only takes one quick listen to popular contemporary rappers Lil’ Wayne and Rick Ross to see the obvious similarities with Ice’s effortless flow and unparalleled vocabulary. One look at up-and-comers Odd Future and you’ll see they’re totally copping his unique 90’s swag.

After hunting down countless dead end leads, listening to his flawless album “To the Extreme” on repeat for the past 20 years, and one simple Google search, I’ve learned a few things. First, his name is Robert Van Winkle, which obviously reeks of street cred and is possibly the most baller real rapper name of all-time. Secondly, he has apparently released eight albums since 1991, including an epic live cassette tape, all of which I inexplicably never heard of. I’m guessing they’re rare limited releases. And third, he can ice skate, which is also really cool.

But most importantly I found the current location of Rob Van Winkle, and rest assured he’s still fucking killing it.

Ice has set up camp in Kent, England where he is set to star as Captain Hook in a pantomime performance of Peter Pan. I should have seen this sooner. Learning the art of being a mime is the only logical move after effectively slaughtering the rap game and reality television. It’s the kind of commendable and bold maneuver that only an early 90s rap superstar could begin to understand. (See: Marky Mark)

I always assumed Vanilla Ice had ambitions beyond spitting straight fire, but now he’s surpassing the most lofty expectations while showing the kind of versatility that puts James Franco to shame. If you’re not excited to see Vanilla Ice communicate the role of Captain Hook using only facial expressions and hand movements than you obviously don’t have good taste in theater.

I’m not the only one advanced enough to understand the before-his-time epicness of Van Winkle’s foray into surefire thespian success. Central Theater’s general manager Tony Hill knows exactly the kind power that is associated with the name — Vanilla Ice.

“Ice is a huge name who I am sure will be a real draw for parents and children alike,” said Hill. “[He] has never performed in a pantomime before, but I am sure that he will go down as a hit.”

I’m damn sure it will.

[Via BBC]