Attention Graduating Class of 2011: If you’re insecure and your major is on the following list, grab a drink and reevaluate your life for a couple minutes with me.

In light of the upcoming graduation season for the newest crop of precocious college kids, The Daily Beast has arranged a buzz kill and created the definitive list of the most useless college majors.

By compiling statistics like median starting salary and mid-career salary while calculating the predicted change in the amount of jobs between 2008 and 2018, The Daily Beast’s staff has unearthed an unsurprising and unavoidable truth: A journalism degree is the most worthless and useless piece of paper given out by our nation’s colleges and universities. In fact I’m pretty sure I saw an investment banker confuse mine with toilet paper last week.

The Daily Beast’s 20 Most Useless Majors

20. Animal Science
19. English
18. Psychology
17. Fine Arts
16. Art
15. Literature
14. Photography
13. Art History
12. Theater
11. Human Resources
10. Nutrition
9. Chemistry
8. Mechanical Engineering Technology
7. Music
6. Child and Family Studies
5. Fashion Design
4. Advertising
3. Agriculture
2. Horticulture
1. Journalism

Ugh. Remember when everyone asked the English majors what they planned on doing after college? When did learning how to properly plant flowers become more useful than being a vessel of the news? I guess being a music major could help when I’m panhandling for change next month, but my degree will help me write witty and sometimes grammatically correct signs!

Thanks H.L. Mencken. The life of kings my ass.

Yes, it’s that time of the year again when we journalism majors question roughly every aspect of our lives, sweat uncontrollably at inopportune times, weep and take advantage of every drink special in a 20-mile radius.

Warm weather has finally halted the never-ending winter. Job openings have started to pop up along with the tulips, yet here’s another reminder that journalism is very obviously a dying profession.

The most depressing part of this whole dilemma is not that I sacrificed a lot of time, money and effort on a crapshoot of a career. Nah, that’s just why I’m moody. It’s not the fact that the skill, talent, and creativity of our entire field go frequently unnoticed, nor is it that journalism happens to claim home to some of the brightest and most well-rounded people I’ve ever met.

It’s that being a journalism major and attempting to be a paid writer is all the sudden similar to being in a band. You work hard, and strive for your best, but sometimes it’s nothing more than a pipe dream. You quit after a couple years and try something more logical.

It’s not easy to do a job that pays very little, is laden in criticism, and gets minimal respect. It can often be trying, unstable, lonely, and an utter struggle. But there is something romantic about making a living with words. The struggle becomes a part of you and defines you.

Plenty of 18 year olds enter college knowing exactly what they want to do in life, whether that is becoming a doctor, teacher, investment banker or engineer. Others go into school undecided and wait until the last possible moment before they decide on a major.

I was always jealous of those career-driven kids. In a lot of moments, of a lot of days, I’m still a little envious. However my stubborn desire to accomplish a simple dream of penning the perfect sentence keeps me writing—that and my rent-free childhood bedroom. (Yes, I realize plenty of people struggle way more than me.)

I hope a handful of the class of 2011 recognize that a world without good journalists, bloggers and freelance writers would be a rather boring one. What would everyone read at work?

For everyone with a degree on this list, I wish you the best of luck. But for the aspiring journalists with futures of crushing loans and minimal income, I’ll meet you at the bar. I’m sure we can find someone to buy us a drink.