Or, you know, she isn't, but I doubt that even recent photographic proof of this fact, as well as a shot of her vagina in her new, incomparably great video for "Telephone," will squelch the incessant chatter about Lady Gaga's fictional dick-tional. I think it's kind of annoying that she constantly takes pains to poke fun at the rumors, like when she posed with a strap-on in her pants for Q Magazine Or, you know, she isn’t, but I doubt that even recent photographic proof of this fact, as well as a shot of her vagina in her new, incomparably great video for “Telephone,” will squelch the incessant chatter about Lady Gaga’s fictional dick-tional. I think it’s kind of annoying that she constantly takes pains to poke fun at the rumors, like when she posed with a strap-on in her pants for Q Magazine, but that feeling doesn’t even come close to how irritating it must be for her as their subject. Now that we’ve been given the chance to thoroughly inspect Gaga’s anatomy, let’s move the rabid examination from what’s inside her panties to the video on the whole – all nine and a half minutes of it.
It’s really disappointing that out of the enormous amount of striking imagery in this video, the despicable product placement stands out the most. These are the kind of incredibly overt advertisements that might be rationalized by the “irony” of how over-the-top they are, but that argument worked maybe once in 1995 before people immediately caught on to the fact that “anti-advertisement” ads are still, by nature, ads. Stylized close-ups on a Virgin cell phone for no apparent reason? Really? This from the person whose every costume-restricted movement is interpreted as an attempt to bring artwork back into the drab consumerist masses? Lame.
It’s a testament to how good the video is that, despite the badvertising and the fact that it’s based around what may be the worst song I’ve ever heard (sample lyrics: “I’m in the club/with a bottle of bub”), I want to watch it on a constant loop for the next three days. I’m not alone, either – no less than 683 articles come up on Google News when you type in “lady gaga telephone video,” and it has similarly taken over social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. If I have to see one more status update that says “GAGA FOR GAGA!!!” or some such, I may take a lesson from Beyonce and resort to poisoning people.
The pageantry and dazzling, elaborate costumes (sunglasses made of burning cigarettes! Jail chic! Patriotism!) are mostly beyond comment, but there are a few aspects of that need to be mentioned anyway. The tortured, idiosyncratic choreography in Gaga’s videos never fails to delight and amaze, especially when Beyonce’s writhing alongside her. Beyonce, by the way, should always have Bettie Page hair and black lipstick. The way she was styled reminded me of what a rockabilly girl might dream of wearing to her prom, and that look was dramatic and lovely on her. She was the perfect measured counterpart to Gaga’s deranged mess. I think that if Gaga’s advocacy of gay marriage comes to fruition, they should just get married for the good of humanity.
Although I wish there was a way to cut out the “music” prefix to this video, I’m continually impressed by Lady Gaga. Here’s hoping she continues her pattern of outdoing each sensational video with the next.
