Author Archive

Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Oh, I’m Aware

October 1st, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Who Doesn’t like boobs?

It’s breast cancer awareness month, and pink ribbons are on just about everything: Yogurt, cereal, shaving cream, stamps, Heidi Klum, etc. Why is it that so many companies give part of their proceeds, even if just a little bit, to the Susan G. Komen foundation?

Because everyone likes breasts, that’s why! Why would you run a 5K in a pink t-shirt? Oh right, because you save lives and you like boobs.

Also, it’s not exactly a disappointment that self-testing for the cancer involves feeling yourself or getting felt up. Am I right?

So, I salute you, October, for raising awareness for the health of breasts, and especially the women who are attached to them!!

U.S. Apologizes For Infecting Guatemalans With Gonorrhea: It’s Not The First Time

October 1st, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Yeah… about that time I killed and infected that group of people… I’m sorry?

The U.S government officially apologized for infecting hundreds of Guatemalans with Gonorrhea without their knowledge. Apologizing for some pretty abominable things is something U.S officials are getting pretty good at. Official apologies usually happen a few decades after the fact, involve giving questionable sums of money, and usually atone for nothing.

The Guatemala Experiment
Yesterday Hillary Clinton apologized for the Gonorrhea experiments. 696 subjects, most of whom were male prisoners and female inmates from The National Mental Health Hospital, were unknowingly infected with syphilis and gonorhea. The diseases were either administered intravenously or through visits with prostitutes who were infected. Researchers were determining if a course of Penicillin could prevent the diseases rather than just cure them. Subjects were even encouraged to “transmit the disease.” It is unclear, in the reports, whether the patients were later cured or given proper treatment for the diseases.

The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment
Bill Clinton officially apologized for the moral mishap known as the Tuskegee experiment 65 years after it happened. The Experiment followed 399 impoverished African American men from 1932 to 1972 in Tuskegee, Alabama. County-wide blood tests were performed which provided health investigators with nearly 400 syphillis infected men, who were then used to follow the progression of the disease. These men were never told about their infection, and were not treated even though Penicillin was discovered as a cure for syphillis about ten years after the experiment began.

Japanese American Internment
In 1988, Ronald Reagan apologized to Japanese-Americans placed in internment camps during World War II. Congress awarded $20,000 to each internee. Geroge H.W. Bush also apologized again later. $3.9 million has been dispersed over time to relatives and survivors.

Cold War Radiation Experiments
In 1995, President Clinton apologized to the survivors and families of those who unknowingly were subjects of government-sponsored radiation experiments during the Cold War. Experiments were funded by various U.S. government agencies, such as the Department of Defense and the Atomic Energy Commission. Tests included, but were not limited to: Injecting babies and pregnant women with radioactive material, feeding radioactive material to mentally disabled children, exposing U.S. soldiers and prisoners to high levels of radiation.

Being So Darn Mean to Native Americans
In 2009 President Obama signed a bill that stated The U.S. “apologizes on behalf of the people of the United States to all Native Peoples for the many instances of violence, maltreatment, and neglect inflicted on Native Peoples by citizens of the United States,” the statement says, adding that it is committed “to move toward a brighter future where all the people of this land live reconciled as brothers and sisters, and harmoniously steward and protect this land together.”

Crocodiles Dish Out ‘Sleep Forever’

September 28th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Crocodiles are just a couple of nice guys in matching leather jackets.

Charles Rowland and Brandon Welchez hail from Southern California, where the likes of The Beach Boys and Phil Spector bear an endless influence.

It’s found in Crocodiles, whose sound is pop-drone with hints of classic girl-group bop and a strong likeness to Jesus and Mary Chain. (Comparing the likeness of bands to other bands is something both members find cheap and lazy, but whatever.)

The band shares a label with Jay Retard, Junior Kimbrough, and The Black Keys, and released 2009′s most memorable summer jam, “I Wanna Kill,” but they haven’t let popularity influence their second record, the just-released “Sleep Forever.”

“We never really cared about popularity,” says Welchez. “We always try to be honest, and when we’re making music popularity doesn’t really cross our minds.”

“The years we spent travelling with bands that no one ever cared about taught us not to worry about popularity” adds Rowland.

“Sleep Forever” is a fantastic sophomore effort, which the band crafted to be as an album, without targeting a possible iPod commercial. Record companies, even indie ones, aren’t thrilled to hear artists emphasizing albums, but the band persevered.

“They just want 02:30 seconds of something love-able. Sure we have a few songs that could be considered singles, but we definitely wanted to make an album” affirms Welchez. Popularity be damned.

This is their position on the road as well. The Crocodiles, who nowadays headline their own shows, opened for Ladytron and The Faint in 2009. “We definitely didn’t fit in, and the fans didn’t really like us,” says Welchez. “But we don’t really mind whether fans hate us or love us. It’s definitely entertaining either way.”

Photo by Alex Kacha

Stars’ Less Attractive Siblings

September 20th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Here are some pics of celebs’ siblings who seriously got the short end of the stick, or should I say short, fat, ugly end of the stick.

Randy Quaid’s arrest this weekend got us wondering: How can it be that Dennis Quaid, the quieter, more unassuming Quaid bother, is living the good life getting his rad house featured in “Architectural Digest,” while Randy Quaid, a true treasure of American cinema, is going broke, getting his royalty wages garnered to pay an outstanding debt a P.I. he hired last summer, and getting arrested for squatting in a home he used to own?

Some guys (and gals) get all the luck, apparently. Not every star has a sibling get arrested for squatting, but many of them at the very least have siblings who are vastly less good-looking than their famous counterparts.

Doug Pitt
The human version of Brad Pitt.

Khloe Kardashian
So close, yet so so far away.

Hunter Johansson
The twin brother of Scarlett Johansson. Or is that Buddy Holly?

Randy Quaid
Dennis Quaid, Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid, Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid…ha ha

Louise Bekham
Victoria sister. She’s got the same… hair cut.

Brandi Cyrus
The half-sister of Miley Cyrus — oof where’s that other half?

Kevin Dillon
Matt Dillon’s bother, there’s a reason he’s stuck on “Entourage”

Wynona Judd
It’s a good thing she can sing. She looks more like Elvis than Ashley Judd.

James Haven
He’s pretty much the exact replica of Angelina Jolie. The only problem is the fact that he’s a man. The two made out once at the Oscars so Angelina could essentially make out with herself, the only person hotter than Brad Pitt.

Kim Reeves
To be fair, it looks like Kim probably got the brains in the family. She likely relies less on the word “woah” as a vocabulary pillar than her heartthrob bro.

Donnie Wahlberg
Sure Donnie was in the New Kids, but we’re pretty sure he was never a Calvin Klein model. And he definitely never had his own Funky Bunch.

Joaquin Phoenix’s Documentary: Officially a Hoax

September 17th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

In a New York Times article yesterday, Casey Affleck admitted that the documentary, or mouckumentary, “I’m Still Here” about Jaoquin Phoenix’s drugged-out attempt to break into the rap biz, was officially a hoax.

Affleck states “it’s a terrific performance, it’s the performance of a lifetime.” Jaoquin certainly committed—he’s been playing this character on and off set for the past two years. Whether or not it was the performance of a lifetime is up for debate. Not only were we bewildered when he first showed up bearded and mumbly on “David Letterman” in 2009, but critics have been equally as bewildered with the new film, and not exactly in a good way.

Affleck comments in the interview, “the reviews were so angry.” This could be because unlike most mockumentaries, “I’m Still Here” doesn’t even nod towards its fictionality. Apparently Affleck wanted the viewer to go into the film with no preconceived notions. However, preconceived notions practically the whole marketing scheme for the film. The rise Affleck and Phoenix have got out of some reviewers is more than most movies can say, so it’s definitely not a total misstep.

So there it is, folks “I’m Still Here” was officially a hoax. What will Jaoquin’s next move be? Are we in love with him more than ever, or did he over step his boundaries? I’m still not sure this answers the question of whether he is crazy or advanced, but I can’t wait to see who Jaoquin turns into next.

10 Scary Pictures of Hot Female Tennis Players

September 10th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

We all know tennis breeds some of the best-looking female athletes of all time.

Many pro tennis ladies have been featured in swimsuit editions of magazines, and people generally can’t get enough of the short hem-lines appearing on the courts these days. But in order to achieve those hot bods, these women work hard.

In honor of the last weekend of the U.S. Open, here is a beautiful and disturbing list of the most awkward and often surprising images we could find of good lookin’ tennis chicks.

Serena Williams you better go to the vet ’cause those puppies are sick!

Maria Kirilenko of Russia is strong to the finish ’cause she eats her spinach just like her look-a-like Popeye.

Anastasia Myskina: “I’ve gotta hit this here ball ya sheee?”

Elena Dementieva looks strikingly like Ducky from The Land Before Time.

Daniela Hantuchova: “Let’s get down to business to defeat the huns!”

Ana Ivanovic looks like Snooki when she plays tennis.

Jelana Dokic: “Coooookie Monster!”

Marta Domachowska looks like Betty Draper from Mad Men releasing all that house wife anger on the court.

Caroline Wozniacki: It looks like she just served the ball out of her mouth.

Dominika Cibulkova: This is what it takes to poop and play tennis at the same time.

U2 Sings for Spider-Man on Broadway

September 10th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

The Broadway production of Spider-Man has reached the rehearsal phase. That huge target group of people who like comics, U2, and musicals only have to wait until December to see it! I hope those three people are as excited as I am about watching a broadway star sing through a mask.

“Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark,” was supposed to debut February of this year, but a number of financial roadblocks interrupted its release. Oddly enough, the production’s financial woes had nothing to do with the idea being terrible.

U2′s Bono and The Edge, who are writing music for the show, along with the show’s director Judy Taymor (also director of “The Lion King”), hired Michael Cohl, producer known for creating large-scale rock spectaculars. Cohl was hired in hopes of raising enough money to bring the show back to life.

Since his involvement in the show, Cohl has finagled enough money to lead the show back to production. That was no small feat. “Spider-Man” is officially the most expensive show on Broadway, costing roughly $60 million to produce. Strings are more expensive than you’d think.

Here’s an awesome interview with Bono and The Edge trying to convince us that the show will be cool. For $60 million you’d think they’d show a little more enthusiasm.

Kraft Shooting: She’s Krafty

September 10th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

A 43 year-old worker at Kraft Foods was arrested yesterday after opening fire on workers, killing two and seriously injuring one.

Apparently the woman was suspended from her post at the factory in charge of producing Oreo’s, Oscar Meyer bacon, and Philadelphia cream cheese. After hearing about her suspension the woman returned minutes later with guns-a-blazin’, hoping to turn that cream cheese into swiss cheese and her co-workers into meat products.

She immediately shot at three workers and locked herself in an upstairs office. She even shot at police officers trying to restrain her. Next time you put cream cheese on your bagel or decide whether to bite into, twist, or dip your O’reo just remember people might have died for it.

Snoop Dogg Revolutionizing the T-W-Double E-T

August 6th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Snoop Dogg is Tweeting Videos at whoever the hell he wants and it’s hilarious.

Has anyone been exposed to the Snoop Dogg Twitter videos? They’re funny, sort of witty and mostly difficult to understand — all the things we love about the D-O-double G. The formula: Snoop makes a statement to a famous person and follows it with, “Ya dig?”

Watch the vids, and support Snoop in his quest to help Al Gore clear the atmosphizzle.

John Goodman Now Fits In My Thumbnail Image Size

August 6th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

I’ve been wanting to write about John Goodman for a while now, but he just wouldn’t fit in a thumbnail size image. Lucky for me Goodman has lost over one hundred pounds, and is looking smaller and healthier than he has in a long time.

John Goodman has always been large. There were times when he made Roseanne Barr look like a normal-sized woman, which takes a lot — lets be real.

Goodman admitted to Letterman Wednesday night that he, at one point, was tipping the scales at 400 pounds. Holy macrel that’s a whole lotta John. Though he is getting plenty of exercise and trying to keep off, and even lose more weight, the “Big Lebowski” star promised, “I’m not going to look like Paris Hilton or anything like that.” Phew, thanks for the reassurance John, I think we can all agree that we don’t need anyone else who looks like Paris Hilton.

Warren Buffet Gets 40 Of America’s Billionaires to Donate Half Their Wealth

August 6th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Warren Buffet makes a few calls and gets billions, just for being himself.

Warren Buffet’s Giving Pledge Campaign announced yesterday that it had received pledges from forty of America’s richest people to donate some of their private money for philanthropic reasons. Buffet, when speaking of his success has said, “my wealth has come from a combination of living in America, some lucky genes, and compound interest.” Thanks Warren for the enlightening advice, if only my genes were worth $47 billion (no offense, mom).

Nonetheless Buffet has set the stage for giving, saying “the reaction of my family and me to our extraordinary good fortune is not guilt, but rather gratitude. Were we to use more than 1 percent of my claim checks on ourselves, neither our happiness nor our well-being would be enhanced. In contrast, that remaining 99 percent can have a huge effect on the health and welfare of others. That reality sets an obvious course for me and my family: Keep all we can conceivably need and distribute the rest to society, for its needs.”

With a few phone calls, letters, and his general influence on society Buffet has popularized giving and made jumping on the giving bandwagon sound fun. New York’s very own Bloomberg, who is worth an estimated 17.5 billion, said it didn’t make sense to leave everything to his children and have them go through life as members of “the lucky sperm club.” Does that mean Bloomberg thinks his sperm is lucky? I wouldn’t be surprised, but it is true that you can ruin a child’s life by giving them no incentive to do anything with their lives whatsoever.

There are few defined rules for Buffet’s giving pledge campaign, the money can be used for pretty much everything. But does teaming up a bunch of richsters mean good for society? Though there is no pooling of money involved will they have influence on one another’s decisions? If the terms of the foundation are not defined could this money end up helping a few foundations in grandios ways, rather than spreading the love and helping society as a whole?

These are all questions that will be answered, but whatever happens the “top down” idea coming from Buffet and the Gates foundation at least means that money will be used better than gaining interest in a small percent of bank accounts throughout the country. This is no end to world hunger, but it sounds like a pretty cool idea to me. If Warren Buffet can continue to use his calm and collected influence over not only other rich people but also America, I hope he continues to do so.

Kanye West’s “Power” Video: I’m A God!

August 6th, 2010 by Chelsea Fisher

Kanye West subjects us to his god-like powers in new video.

Kanye West’s “Power” video is a self portrait of how he sees himself, a god. And of course, being the fly rapper that he is, beautiful angelic women are surrounding him. Throw in a few swords and you’ve got a hit. I would be angry about the video if it wasn’t so beautifully done. It’s brevity also makes you want to watch it over and over again. Can’t wait until he releases the full length version.