Author Archive

Kelly Clarkson's New (Leaked) Single Sounds Awfully Familiar…

All the way back in 2007, Ted Leo did what he does best and put into song what the rest of us had known for months: Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” is a blatant rip off of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Maps.” Now the stealing songstress is right back at it, taking some serious [...]

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Enters Walk of Fame with a Bang

I’m not sure which is more interesting: Julia Louis-Dreyfus being the first Seinfeld alum to receive a Walk of Fame star, or the fact they wrote Julia Luis Dreyfus on the star. While the 49-year-old actress laughed off the spelling error, which she unveiled in the presence of Jason Alexander, Larry David and others, the [...]

Hasselbeck Breaks Code, Bullies Fellow Blonde

Not that anyone cares about anything said on The View, but if you’re going to hire someone purely for their willingness to say dumb shit (think Fox’s entire news strategy), go big or go home. Which is not to be confused with go blonde or go home, and herein lies the problem. “Dumb shit” doesn’t [...]

Lindsay Lohan: A Porn Star is Born

Did I call it, or did I call it? Last week, we proclaimed Rosie O’Donnell the official dick of the week on account of her attempted foster parenting. She was hoping to save Lindsay Lohan from her current booze binge, which has spanned a good three years now and counting. Rosie had no business meddling [...]

A Man with a Mop is Mere Fantasy to Pine-Sol

Maybe I don’t watch enough television, or maybe it just took me awhile to process the actual significance of the thing, but the latest campaign from household cleaner Pine-Sol finally caught my attention. In what YouTube has labeled the Pine-Sol “Visitor” commercial, the brand’s spokeswoman of 16 years, Diane Amos, is provided with a dramatically [...]

This Week's Dick: Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell, you dick! But really, Rosie O’Donnell, do you have a dick? In a move this week shocking to no one, the definitive D-lister decided it was time for her comeback. Washed out but not oblivious, Rosie knew a sex tape would be the ultimate nogo, so she did the next best thing: attacked [...]

Doctor Who Does Hamlet Right

While many of you may be mourning the loss of the tenth doctor on the BBC’s belovedly campy Doctor Who, David Tennant is back in a big way. Taking the lead role in the film version of the Royal Shakespeare Company’s 2008 production of “Hamlet,” he stars alongside Patrick Stewart in what can best be [...]

James Cameron: Now Schooling NASA

Let’s face it, James Cameron is a cocky bastard, but there’s no denying his reign of the 3-D universe. Mars — not to be confused with Na’vi — has long been a point of fascination for NASA and the general public alike. And now Cameron — not to be confused with that other holy JC [...]

Watch Video of Thurston Moore Performing New Material

We figured you were capable enough readers to continue reading Thurston Moore’s fabulously updated blog without us having to cover it daily, but now it’s time for a Thurston check-in all its own. While at SXSW this year, many beautiful things happened. One of them was captured on professionally shot footage, in which Thurston debuts [...]

Kings of Leon Gets Sick Openers to Save Face

I am not posting this to inform you of the upcoming Kings of Leon tour, because no one should really give a shit. What I am doing is listing all their dates so you know when you can catch their completely badass openers, Built to Spill and the Black Keys, who have signed on to [...]

NYU's 25th Annual Strawberry Festival

Oh, the strawberry. That luscious, sugary, red seeded wonder; how I love thee so. And now I can celebrate your fruity existence with my favorite bands and New York City’s longest strawberry shortcake (which I guess is more of a funeral march). The Strawberry Festival is an NYU tradition now in its 25th year, and [...]

Brian Jonestown Massacre Announces Spring Tour

Ever wish seeing a solid rock show still included nothing short of diva status antics on the part of lead singers? Well stop youtubing Mick Jagger vids, because Anton Newcombe is alive and kicking and coming to a town near you. Frontman for the Brian Jonestown Massacre, during the BJM show I caught two summers [...]

Boycotters Beware: AriZona Iced Tea is NY Born

Arizona has been a bad, bad state. According to new measures signed into law last week, it is legal for police to require citizens to provide documentation of their legal standing on “reasonable suspicion” alone, since illegal immigrants are now banned by law from stepping foot in Arizona. Any person caught without proper documentation on [...]

McDonald's Now Lures with WiFi, Not Toys

On Tuesday, local officials in Santa Clara County, California decided to set an example they hope the rest of the country will follow. Toys will no longer be permitted in fast food meals too high in fat, salt, sugar or calories, an ordinance they feel will “break the link between unhealthy food and prizes.” While [...]

Palin's Former Pageant Rival Enters Politics

If yet another completely unqualified Alaska native had to run for office, at least it’s one who’s already gotten a piece of Palin. Democrat Maryline Blackburn, winner of the Miss Alaska crown the year Palin (Sarah Heath at the time) took home second runner-up, has announced that she will be vying for a seat on [...]

An Airplane, An Ass Crack and Christopher Weingarten

I am confused whether to feel bad or not, and I think that’s exactly what Chris Weingarten would have wanted. As part of an article I wrote for our upcoming issue, I talk about flying down to South by Southwest this year. It was an interesting flight, as almost every single person on the plane [...]

Brooklyn Enters Wal-Mart Warzone

While nothing has been officially confirmed, major steps necessary for the arrival of New York City’s first Wal-Mart are all taken care of. The City Council has approved plans for the chain’s newest residence at the Gateway II Shopping Center in Jamaica Bay, Brooklyn, so all that’s left for the company to do is sign [...]

Less Taxation, More Stimulation for Tea Party

On May 12, Sarah Palin will be speaking at the Rosemont Theatre in Chicago, the same city in which the Admiral Theatre also resides. This is relevant because the Admiral will be holding a Palin inspired event of its own that night, with partial proceeds going to the Tea Party Campaign. The Admiral is a [...]

If Only Oklahoma Had Been Aborted

When Bush’s time in Washington finally came to an end, it wasn’t simply a win for democrats. The former president was responsible for serious setbacks to abortion legislation, which he single-handedly managed to send back to the dark ages. An executive order banning funds from being given to international groups that supported abortion? Guess what [...]

Christina Aguilera: Bitch in a Bottle, Baby

Remember when Christina Aguilera first came out, and everyone was all excited because she could actually sing? Then she got sick of being innocent, referred to herself as Xtina, wore assless chaps and got dreadlocks. She laid low for awhile, got married, had a baby and is now attempting to reclaim her former diva days, [...]