Vancouver Real Estate Probably Plummeted Last Night

What’s the point of rioting in your own city, again? Ever hear of “don’t shit where you eat”? We know Boston does it, but “The World’s Most Livable City” should know better.

Vancouver Real Estate Probably Plummeted Last Night

Last night the Vancouver Canucks, and more specifically goalie Roberto Luongo, forgot to show up for game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The Canucks were torched by the Boston Bruins 4-0 on their home ice, and soon after their fans decided to torch the beautiful city of Vancouver — again.

In the grand ole US of A riots are pretty standard issue after championship games. If you lose – riot. If you win –riot more. For example after the Red Sox won their first World Series in 500 years fan took to the streets and excitedly flipped cop cars and tried their damnedest to destroy their beloved city.

Because nothing says “I love this team” like setting your coach on fire in the middle of the street, getting beaten by a cop, and spending the night in city lock up. Am I right?

It starts with one person climbing a telephone pole or stoplight, and then a raucous crowd starts chanting. Someone inevitably gets shoved. Punches are thrown. A garbage can is thrown through a Radioshack window. Expensive luxury cars that are innocently parked on the street are treated with the respect as a 5-year-old’s Matchbox collection.

The post-game riot in Vancouver was impressive; in fact it was probably one of the most widespread displays of fan destruction we’ve seen in years. Cars were flipped, cops were hit, stores were looted and the city burned. It was if the citizens of Vancouver simultaneously became embittered about their disappointing peewee careers. Did someone lace the entire city’s supply of weed with speed or crystal meth?

The reigning back-to-back-to-back winner of the world’s most livable city was complete chaos last night. If Canucks fans wanted to break the stereotype of Canada being a nice place to visit, full of amicable and hospitable people who help tourists with directions, they came close.

While the fans inside Rogers Arena gave the Canucks a standing ovation in the final seconds of the game in appreciation of the team’s great season. The crowds outside expressed their displeasure by throwing their Molson bottles at the TVs set up in front of the stadium.

Now I understand that the Stanley Cup Finals, which are always a heated affair, took on an even greater significance this year. The Canucks hadn’t won a Cup since joining the NHL in 1970 and the Bruins hadn’t won since ’72. And for some reason the finals became a jingoistic battle between neighboring countries. Casual fans in the States rooted for the Bruins because they thought it was simply America versus Canada. They failed to notice that the Bruins only had three U.S. born players on the roster compared to the Canucks six. But what’s a little pointless xenophobia to mix things up?

Nevertheless, nothing explains the wreckage that definitely littered Vancouver’s streets this Thursday morning.

Canada is like America’s younger sibling who doesn’t curse, drink or do drugs. Watching them follow the lead of our rambunctious idiots who defile their own city is kinda disappointing. We’ve got North America covered in the moronic behavior department.

We rib Canada for being so polite and courteous, because deep in our empty hearts we know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. So stop rioting, Vancouver, you’re making us feel uncomfortable.