Rio de Janeiro Can’t Solve Homicides For Shit: Need to Syndicate CSI

Over the past 10 years I’ve solved more crossword puzzles than Rio’s police department has solved homicide cases — and I rarely do crossword puzzles.

Rio de Janeiro Can't Solve Homicides For Shit: Need to Syndicate CSI

Rio de Janeiro is routinely considered one of the most beautiful and exotic destinations in the world. Most are blinded by promise of the white sand beaches crowded with tan bodies in minimal clothing draped in shadow of an impossibly large statue of Jesus on a mountain top. Others have seen “City of God” enough times to know Rio is a very dangerous city if you make the wrong turn.

A recent report shows that over the past decade over 60,000 murders in Rio have gone unsolved and 24,000 of them weren’t even identified. To put those horrific and terrifying numbers in perspective Rio solves a scant 14% of its homicide cases in comparison to the United States and Europe who currently solve homicides at a rate of 70% to 80%.

Why is this a big deal? Other than the fact it’s more than slightly disturbing that tens of thousands are being killed by the drug cartels that control the impoverished city, Rio is set to host the World Cup in 2014 and the Olympics in 2016.

During these two global events millions of tourists, athletes, celebrities and dignitaries will flock to the “Marvelous City” to enjoy the once in a lifetime spectacle. The question on a lot of people’s minds is, Will Rio be safe? People worried about South Africa in 2010, but the World Cup seemed to go off without a hitch. Can Rio repeat the same kind of success?

In anticipation for the Cup and Olympics the city formed a new special homicide division, but that has increased the murder solution rate a whooping 3% from 11 to 14%. They’re going to need an army to handle millions of unsuspecting drunk tourists there to enjoy the events.

Of course Rio is accustomed to hosting millions of visitors each year for their annual “Carnival,“ which is routinely considered one of the craziest parties in the world. However this year 129 people were killed in over 2,000 car accidents in the first three days of the weeklong party. And that’s an event that happens every year. Now imagine the insanity of having the World Cup in Brazil.

I’d hate to be around if they lose.

So the question remains: “Do you still want to go down to Rio for the World Cup in 2014?” Well, I guess that depends on your passion for the sport and sense of adventure. Are you willing to possibly get pick pocketed? How much do you enjoy half naked women in thongs on the beach? Are you looking for a good price on a variety of recreational drugs? Can you find your way back to your hotel without incident after a night of beer drinking? Do you like soccer a little bit? Are you under the age of 65?

If you said yea to any of the above – I’ll see you there! I’m sure they’ll have the cartels, crime and corruption under control in three years. That is plenty of time.

[via Denver Post]