Mitt Romney’s latest personality masquerade: gun owner

Mitt Romney is Patrick Bateman made flesh. In an effort to describe Romney we might adapt Joseph Campbell’s classic book “Hero With a Thousand Faces” to read “Man With a Thousand Masks.”

Romney has been variously a Mexican, a Frenchman, Nascar enthusiast, automobile lover, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Pro-Public Health Insurance Option, Anti-Public Health Insurance Option, unemployed, gainfully employed, Mormon, not-so-Mormon, singer (“America the Beautiful”), human, automaton, Dixie, Yankee, and so forth.

Indeed, we could transform Bateman’s eloquent and cold post-modern self-assessment for Romney:

There is an idea of a Mitt Romney; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable… I simply am not there.

Well, 99% of Americans would not find their lifestyles comparable to Mitt Romney, so Romney is donning his latest Bateman-esque mask as an NRA-loving, gun-toting Amuuuurican!

Today, Romney “kicked off” of his national campaign to win over the hearts and minds of Americans by speaking at the National Rifle Association Annual Meeting in St. Louis.

Look, I grew up in Wisconsin. And what is more, I grew up in small town Wisconsin, which means I learned a thing or two about guns. Hell, I was a crack shot, bringing down ducks, squirrels, deer, geese and, on a recent return trip, I did some pheasant hunting with my pops after not having fired a gun in over a decade. And so I can say this with some authority: Mitt Romney is not a gun enthusiast. My sister, who eagerly fired a shotgun for the first time last weekend, is more of a gun enthusiast than Mitt Romney. The only way that man has ever condescended to fire a weapon is if his PR team encouraged it.

The scenario probably played out something like this: “Here, Mitt, uh… just hold that over-and-under shotgun like that,” says an advisor. “Yeah, put it against your shoulder and aim that-a-way. No, no, don’t pull the trigger with the safety off, Mitt. Whooeee! Come to think of it, Mitt, give the gun back to me. We got enough for the photo-op.”

Mitt Romney is whatever you want him to be.