Britney Spears reported to get $15 million to judge that ‘X Factor’ show nobody watches

In a lavish display of sacrificing more money to a seemingly indifferent and increasingly angry God, Simon Cowell has reportedly offered increasingly-batshit non-singer Britney Spears a princely sum of $15,000,000 to judge the abilities of others on the show “X Factor” next season.

For the large majority of America that does not watch the end-of-days-signaling television singing competition, The “X Factor” is exactly the same as “American Idol,” another false-God worshiping populist think tank where the least offensive person wins an award for essentially rising to the top of a vomit pile; a public vote being the least of their worries when what they should be worried about is the “Lord Of The Flies”-esque analogy that their life has become.

Britney Spears costs exactly ten times more than Nicole “Pussycat Dolls singer” Scherzinger, which makes sense in a bizarre “why are we measuring people by how much they make and not by the content of their characters” way. The mega-rich husk of a human being Britney Spears is reported to sign off on the deal soon, or at the very least, a handler of hers will move her arm holding a pen before her managers and handlers pop champagne behind her, and Britney will shed a single tear, and she will not know why, for she is incapable of understanding the sheer wall of sadness that surrounds her.

This is all according to reports from TMZ, obviously.