Andy Caffrey plans to hot box Capitol Hill for marijuana legalization

Andy Caffrey is a 54 year-old candidate running for Congress from California’s 2nd District. Aside from the Crocodile Dundee-esque hat and his sweeping, silver ponytail, Caffrey is a fairly unassuming man in the state of California. He’s tired of both Republicans and Democrats, loves his country and has his own ideas to make improvements, which is more than some politicians can say. He also takes pride in being a part of the Green Movement…in more ways than one *cough cough.*

In the 1991 Oakland Firestorm, Andy “lost everything.” He writes on his website that he spent five years as a homeless man and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder following his sister’s suicide. His ailment led him to become a prescribed medical marijuana patient, and he’s on the campaign trail to make his defense of its medicinal use perfectly clear…or a little hazy.

“I’m willing to get arrested to fight for our rights, to defend our rights as Californians to consume medicine,” Caffrey said to Politico in an interview. “If I have to do it, I’ll smoke a joint on the Capitol steps and get arrested to draw national attention to what’s going on.”

If Caffrey is a man of his word, his election day could be one of joyful martyrdom, as he would undoubtedly be arrested before he could take a second puff. In stark contrast to the misguided, lazy and unmotivated stoner image with which most people would like to view a man like Caffrey, he’s very pointed on his intention for marijuana legalization.

“I’m fighting for our right to consume marijuana at will without any criminal penalties,” he said. “Just don’t say I’m advocating for children to use it.”

Caffrey sees marijuana as “more of a focusing agent” or “an anti-depressant,” reflecting the sentiments of millions of rational, hard-working Americans. Similarly, there is much more to Caffrey’s campaign than his views on marijuana, but his outspoken defense of the devil’s lettuce will undoubtedly cast a shadow on every other issue. Just like many pot smokers in the U.S., marijuana is only a minuscule part of Caffrey’s life, passions and talents, but the ancient gray heads of Congress will be blinded by the light(er).

Here’s to wishing Andy Caffrey the best of luck in his campaign to take on Congress and, among other things, confront the plague tormenting America’s non-violent, non-offending smokers.