Man calls 9-1-1 over bungled sandwich order

If you went into your local deli, ordered some sandwiches and weren’t crazy about the proportion of meat and cheese, as a reasonable person you’d realize you have very few options for recourse. Really, all you could do is complain to your sandwich-artist. Unless you’re an unidentified Connecticut man who upon experiencing this very turn of events at The Grateful Deli promptly called 9-1-1. Simply put, this was a sandwich emergency.

“I specifically asked for little turkey, and little ham, a lot of cheese and a lot of mayonnaise and they are giving me a hard time,” the man told a 9-1-1 dispatcher yesterday afternoon from the deli’s own telephone. “I wonder if you can stop by and just…” he continued.

Now, if you were the dispatcher on this call, you’d think you’d only have two options: You could either quickly scold the man for abusing 9-1-1, hang up and move on to the next call, or you could send the police over to issue the man a citation for abusing 9-1-1, which what a dispatcher did recently when a woman called about her Chicken McNuggets order at McDonald’s. But even in that case, the woman was really calling because the McDonald’s allegedly refused to refund her money after running out of the McNuggets she ordred, so she was technically reporting theft. This guy really just wanted advice about his sub-par sandwich. And you know what? He got it.

From the call transcript, according to MSNBC: “‘You’re calling 911 because you don’t like the way that they’re making your sandwich?’ the dispatcher asks. ‘Exactly,’ he said.” After considering, she advises: “So, then, don’t buy it.”

Easier said than done. The Grateful Deli has been this guy’s go-to sandwich spot. Where would it leave him if he just didn’t buy these sandwiches today? It would lead to another sub-par sandwich tomorrow. And the next day. “I just want it resolved and I want to be able to come back here and get the regular sandwich that I ask for,” he explained.

After the dispatcher tells him that in the future he just shouldn’t buy the sandwiches if he doesn’t like them, he finally comes to a solution: “I’ll look at it before I buy it.”

Aaaand scene. People call 9-1-1 for all kind of things. We recently learned that 40% of 9-1-1 calls in New York City are butt-dials. But even that makes sense—anyone can accidentally butt dial. Hats off, Connecticut man, you just made the craziest 9-1-1 call we’ve ever heard of.