Ear-defiler Lana Del Rey covers Nirvana; legacy-destroyer Courtney Love objects

Make no mistake — Lana Del Rey defiles ears. That’s right. I said it. What other songbird could possibly inspire the level of vitriolic hate Lana has inspired in thousands upon thousands of (insert any demographic other than “deaf” here). And while Lana Del Rey might erstwhile have the voice of a (dead) songbird (eaten by a cat) (in the rain) (alone), she is no match for the sheer holocaust of personality that is Courtney Love.

First, here’s a video of Lana Del Why “singing” the Nirvana song “Heart Shaped Box” while in Sydney, Australia a few days ago. You don’t have to listen to the whole thing.

I know what you’re thinking:

Ear-defiler Lana Del Rey covers Nirvana; legacy-destroyer Courtney Love objects

But wait! It gets worse. And when I say that, I mean it. Enter Courtney Love.

So while it’s been 19 years since a) “Heart Shaped Box” was released and b) Courtney Love was anywhere close to being relevant, she now wants to hang on to the pass culture ship of Lana Del Rey like a shit-barnacle that can never be pried off. What’s more – YOU JUST RUINED “HEART SHAPED BOX” FOR EVERYONE, COURTNEY. And you made me lose my appetite, too. SMH.

Courtney, way to take a fucking lyric and literally turn into your vagina. It would be one thing if this was, say, the year 1994 and you said that, or even any year before 2000. People would have listened. But instead you spent 19 years cavorting around the world spending millions of dollars of your dead husband’s money on alienating your daughter and doing staggering amounts of drugs. You’re like a bumper car made of tears and failure being driven by Andy Dick’s only working nostril going the wrong way down a one-way road. If you weren’t already synonymous with being a terrible cultural force, this would have cemented it.

And don’t give me that crap about “hey fuck you, man, I was in Hole.” Even Stone Temple Pilots had a few good songs and at least they had the decency to stay out of the spotlight when they had nothing to say.