Diplo got stoned and made a new mix, I got stoned and reviewed it

Ok. Diet Coke? Check. Gum? Check. I’m a big gum chewer when I’m high. Ok lets get started.

got stoned and mixed really old records for half an hour by diplo

Jeeeeeesus. Ok, so this mix is called “Diplo Got Stoned and Mixed Really Old Records for half an hour” – and it sounds exactly how you’d think it would. Diplo spends the majority of the mix playing garage rock and psychedelic rock from the 60s although he curiously mixes in some jazz beats, which work remarkably well within the context of the older psych records.

I mean, DJ Shadow did something like this a few years ago with… what the fuck was it called… Diminishing Returns. But that shit, while awesome, really came across more like A Serious Fucking Mix About 60s Garage Rock Nuggets You’ve Never Heard, while this sounds, well, like a guy from Florida got stoned and mixed some pretty fantastic music.

Y’know? Y’know. Jesus I gotta stop using that “Bill Me Later” shit from Paypal. That’s how they get you, man. That’s how they get you. Grubhub and Bill Me Later… you THINK you’re getting free food but you’re not. You’re not. You’re just prolonging the money. And eating alone in your room lit only by the light of your computer like some sort of hermit out of a Phillip K. Dick novel.

Oh man there’s this Jimi Hendrix track in here that slaaaaaaaaays and its pretty unknown. I mean that guy died at 27. I thought I was gonna die at 27. Oh man. Bad thinking. This is what happens when I get too stoned. I start thinking about death. You know what makes me not think about that? Sharks. Here is a picture of a shark:

Diplo got stoned and made a new mix, I got stoned and reviewed it

Motherfucking shark killed a guy the other day in Southern California! Could you imagine? Shit. That’s why I’m chilling on my bed right now. No sharks here. Not even a bear. Bears just have really good PR; nobody has a cuddly stuffed shark except kids with shitty ironic hipster parents (says the guy who recently wrote ‘Buck Futter’ in chalk on a bathroom wall like a real grown-ass human being. Way to go, me).

Ok so there’s this part like halfway through that is flat out hiiiiiiyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kung-fu-movie music, like the kind of shit you’d play at a yoga class. And then there’s this part right after that brings you back into it because its like disco but not disco. Oh man how the fuck do I manage to keep this job, I don’t even know any good words.

I wonder if anyone can tell the stages of highness that are happening right now. Like at the beginning I was alright and a couple minutes ago The Fear started to happen but now I’m cool. Time for that Diet Coke.

Shit fucking yes.

Could you imagine waking up every day and being

Dude so 21 minutes in there this gnarly song that is EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now. This reminds me of San Francisco. The city sounds like this song. It really does. Just super chill and living your best life, you know. Eating healthy. Doing the right thing. Not like “California Pizza Kitchen.” That place is so bad, how can they even exist? They’re like the Radio Shack of pizza. How can Radio Shack survive as a multimillion dollar corporation and I still have three roommates? I mean I like those guys but Radio Shack plainly doesn’t give a shit. Have you been in one recently? It’s like walking into a bipolar person’s bedroom. Shit is just alllll over the place and the lights are too bright and its all a bunch of random shit in there and the person there is really, really angry or way, way too happy. Nobody cares about your kids, dude. People have kids all the time. What’s your boner? Slow your roll I just came in here to buy batteries.

So I’m at 26 minutes now and its still pretty good and I just burped and it tasted like the sandwich I had for lunch. There’s still a lot of psych rock in here. Who the fuck made “psychedelic” so hard to spell? That and the word rhtyhm ugh rythm wait hold on ryhthm rhythm. WHO MADE RHYTHM SO HARD TO SPELL?

The song at 28:55 I remember hearing on the radio when I was a driver in LA. I know that sounds like a cool Ryan Gosling job but I really just delivered meds to people. That was fun. I miss my old car. It was a 1989 Cadillac DeVille. This isn’t it but look at it:

Diplo got stoned and made a new mix, I got stoned and reviewed it

Look at that sexy car. Shit was like driving a goddam boat with a comfy couch in it. But yeah that song was on when I was a driver and rode around LA delivering meds to old ladies and weird guys in bathrobes named Glen or Trevor or Lindsay. There was this one time I drove all the way to Santa Maria. I got paid, like, $300 for that. Pretty sure I spent it on shitty clothes. Man, 2008 was a weird year. I mean it was fun but its weird to look back on it. I miss In-N-Out.

Where was I. Oh yeah. Diplo. So I saw that dude in fucking Abu Dhabi of all places. He played this room the size of like my apartment. It was really awesome. I wish he’d played more shit like this, though. This mix is so chill. Its like Chill City, population: this-guy-with-two-thumbs-who-is-pointing-at-himself-with-them right now. I have no idea what he’s playing right now. It has a really good bassline.

Oh fuck it ended. I guess I have to turn this in now. Should be interesting for someone to edit. Lets see if I can do it not so stoned: rhthm rythm rhytm rhythm. HaHA. Fourth times a charm. Well, better put some eyedrops in. And I’ve still got half a Diet Coke left.