Adventures in wingnut logic: Romney lost because of Social Security

There’s a lot of crazy in this here William Murray (not Bill, thank goodness) article on World Net Daily. Which is not especially surprising given that it’s an article World Net Daily, which is licorice all-sorts of insane, and by William Murray, who is mommy issues insane. You know it’s going to be a hate reading winner when the first sentence is all “Barack Hussein Obama” about things. The whole thing is a swirling vortex of disjointed thoughts that I will do my best to comprehend for you.

So, anyway, like Romney, Murray argues that fancy gifts to minorities and single mothers were what won the election. Let’s take a look at what these fancy/completely evil gifts are!

  • Continued affirmative action in jobs and education for blacks and Hispanics
  • Continued welfare payments without work
  • Continued years of unemployment payments
  • Continued free medical services for children under the SCHIP program
  • Continued free lunch programs at schools
  • Continued free day-care services
  • Continued expansion of the food stamp program
  • Continued massive student loans and much more!

UGH. Gross, right? Educating people? Feeding poor children and giving them medical care is nothing if not the purest of evils. The only way it is acceptable to feed the hungry is by making fish magically appear, as god intended. Murray, whose own mother, the famous atheist activist Madalyn Murray O’Hair, was not married at the time of his birth (she was in a relationship with the first William Murray, a Roman Catholic who would not divorce his wife) shows a pointed disdain for single mothers. You know, the ones who didn’t take birth control or have abortions. We just cannot win, ladies.

He explains that the people who voted for Obama did so because they were selfishly considering how a Republican presidency would affect themselves, rather than thinking about how it might affect William Murray. Also, Romney would have done better if he had campaigned less on economic issues and more on socially conservative issues like outlawing abortion and gay marriage and continuing the war on drugs. Magically! Despite the increasingly vast unpopularity of those positions. And the fact that pretty much none of the people who ran on those issues (Akin, etc.) won in this election.

Murray then swings around to explain that people who live in cities voted for Obama because we are so dependent on the government that we cannot even change our own lightbulbs! Whereas people who live in rural areas do everything  themselves always, for they are a hearty people, living off the land and using all the parts of the buffalo.

But here’s the kicker. This race, says Murray, was not lost in 2012 as we were foolishly led to believe, but waaaaaay back during the Roosevelt era when Social Security was first established. Social Security, while some people may be fond of it (Communists, obvs) ruined everything ever and destroyed American families.

Prior to Social Security, you see, people got married and had families in order to ensure that they did not die in abject poverty when they got old. Children were expected to take care of their parents, rather than the government. And in order to maintain some semblance of financial security, people stayed in loveless marriages rather than getting divorced like jerks. And the gays? Well who needs to marry someone they’re sexually attracted to, or even love, when the only time anyone really needs to be having sex in the first place is when they are purposely intending to have children for the explicit purpose of being a financial burden to them later in life. Oh the sheer joy of it all!

But now, with things like social security, people get married because they want to rather than because they have to. With subsidized daycare, a single woman who chooses to keep a child doesn’t have to have her daddy show up at the father’s doorstep with a shotgun. And for some reason, this is very upsetting to William Murray. Which is pretty sad, honestly.

I’d like to know who the really selfish, dependent people here are. Because while I think that the government should provide for the less fortunate, people like William Murray don’t want to help anyone, would prefer that people be stuck in loveless marriages rather than doing what makes them happy. My happiness will never be dependent on someone else being unhappy, and there lies the difference. That’s where the heart of the culture war really is, and that’s why we’re going to continue winning it.