5 reasons you should not invite Clifford over for dinner

I know it seems obvious and that anyone with an inkling of common sense would know better, but you have to remember: The Internet wasnt really around when Paul Flaherty’s cult classic hit the big screen in 1994. Consider this some kind of throwaway PSA.

1. He cannot be trusted.

Let’s play catch-up here: Clifford is a 10-year-old menace whose parents leave the boy with his doorknob of an Uncle Martin (played by straight man Charles Grodin). See the clip above as exhibit A. Would YOU want this child at your home?

2. He will wreck your marriage.
To answer the question above, you actually might want Clifford in your home. He knows how to pull the heartstrings, especially with Uncle Martin’s sweetheart Miss Sarah Davis (Mary Steenburgen) who ends up turning on her grouchy fiance because Clifford convinces her pretty easily that he mistreats the boy.

3. He will blow up your house.
If memory serves, Clifford sets Uncle Martin’s workplace on fire — not his home. Still, the kid is a pyro. You’d be better off inviting the squirt from “Problem Child.” Maybe.

4. Spoiler alert: He grows up to become a priest.
And that’s just creepy.

5. Clifford isn’t real.

He is a movie character played by Martin Short who was also genius as Jerry Lewis doing Bob Dylan (above) on “SCTV” in February 1984. (“SCTV” was like the smarter weirder “SNL” in case you missed it.) See the clip, which I like to watch on a pretty regular basis and likely the entire reason I put this shoddy post together in the first place.