Breaking News! New Kids On The Block to tour with 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men

Looking back on things I always thought boy bands would never be able to reunite due to the simple fact that they are not boys anymore. They are not the teens on television that sold sex to young girls. They do not have the air of innocence that brought them so many fans. They (probably) do not have the dance moves that set them apart from other cute kids.

Which is why I found myself in a weird place when I heard that New Kids On The Block announced they will be bringing 98 Degrees and Boys II Men along with them for “The Package Tour.” I always kind of knew they would attempt to pump money out of their old songs, but I never thought that they would actually seriously do stadium tours in 2013. I, however, can admit when I am wrong about something. I guess the nostalgic factor of boy bands is something that will be able to withstand the test of time (even if their bodies can’t).

Culturally we as music fans are suckers for nostalgia and songs that remind us of the past—which I guess includes boy bands. There must be some people in the world who want to relive such events as: That time when you gave your first blow job to “Because of You.” The time when you had your first awkward slow dance in your schools cafeteria to “On Bended Knee.” The time when you and your friends performed “Step By Step” at the 7th grade talent show and thought you guys were the coolest.

To be quite honest with you guys, I had to Wikipedia the groups to remember those songs, but hey I guess it was a bit before my generation. In doing so I learned fun facts that are really fucking surprising. Did you know that Boys II Men are the most successful R&B group of all time? Ok, that is the only really surprising fact but still, 60 million albums worldwide? Come on, people!

Anyways, NKOTB stopped by the epitome of modern-day cutting edge culture “The View” to announce “The Package Tour” with multi-platinum selling 98 Degrees and Grammy award winning Boyz II Men as opening acts. In quotes that we wish did not exist: “Ladies, we’re coming for you,” said NKOTB member Donnie Wahlberg. “This is going to be the craziest year yet — the single, the album, the tour with 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men … We can’t wait to give fans ‘The Package!’”

With the recent announcement of a Kris Kross reunion, we here at Death and Taxes would have liked to have seen them on the bill as well. Either way get ready for a throng of 38 year-old soccer moms taking over your town drinking Cosmos and reliving their high school days in a city near you. The tour starts on May 31 in Uncasville, CT.