Emergency room visits from pubic hair grooming injuries are on the rise

All right now listen, folks: Y’all need to be more careful with your privates.

MSNBC reports that scientists at the University of California, San Francisco, analyzed emergency room data from 2002 to 2010 and studied the trends in hospital visits resulting from pubic hair grooming. (Apparently, they have nothing much better to do.)

Their findings indicate a steady incline in genital grooming incidents reported at emergency rooms over the eight-year period. And, of course, there’s an anthropological aspect to the study: “Changing beauty ideals are reflected in media sources and have likely contributed to the expansion of this cultural trend,” writes Dr. Allison Glass. The report also includes an exhaustive study of Playboy centerfolds (probably paid for with your tax money) between the years 1957 and 2007 and found that pubic hair started shrinking in the 1970s and virtually disappeared by the mid 2000s.

But we already know this. And apparently the more shaving and waxing we do, the more we maim ourselves. Approximately 83 percent of the ER trips were caused by razors, with cuts being most common injury, followed by scissors at 22 percent and hot wax at 1.4 percent.

By 2010 scientists found that 2,500 ER trips a year were coming from injuries sustained while grooming pubic hair, 57% female and 43% male. And with the average age of girls’ sexual maturation plummeting, one can expect the number to keep rising. “We actually found that three percent of all genitourinary injuries were related to grooming practices,” said Glass. “I think the message is this is something that general practitioners and urologists should be aware of.”

You heard her, folks: If you’re going to hop on the bare bandwagon, be careful with your privates.

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