Darth Maul robbed four 7-Elevens
See, this is the stand-alone Star Wars movie I’d like to see. A loser Sith, totally sliced in half by a Jedi in training, who tries to rediscover his womanhood by knocking over a bunch of convenience stores in San Diego County. Ridley Scott is totally into revisiting his franchises; plus I love Susan Sarandon. So what the hell.
Meanwhile, in real life, four 7-Elevens felt the alleged wrath of a man in a prequel mask carrying a
double saber semi-automatic handgun. Local news affiliates have uniformly identified the assailant as a “gun-wielding man wearing a ‘Sith’ mask from the Star Wars movies,” which is confusing. Because why not just say “Darth Maul”? What if readers think they’re referring to another Sith lord like Ajunta Pall, Revan or Exar Kun? You’ve gotta be specific about these Star Wars cosplay felons, people. Darth Maul is still at large. Let the good people of San Diego County know who they’re looking for.