Weezer’s sad cruise for sad people may be the saddest thing, possibly, ever

The band Weezer have a cruise. There. That’s all the news you’re going to get out of this fucking article. I refuse to endorse this in any way.

Can you imagine being stuck on a boat with Rivers Cuomo? Fair enough if you’re an underage Asian groupie or perhaps, due to some serious head injury, insist on living in the year 1996. But being that the year is 2013 and you have better things to do, why would Weezer have a cruise? Oh, there’s a website. But if you click on it be warned that if anyone sees you perusing it they will ditch you as a friend.

The hellride cruise takes place over 4 days in the Bahamas and there’ll be a private island beach party or something but we all know that this is some sort of cruel joke writ large over nostalgic emo kids’ fleeting memories of a misspent youth. The fact that you’ll be stuck on a boat with a band that has been cruelly underperforming for 15 years – roughly the amount of time it would take for a loyal dog to live a long life – is enough to make your eyes water. Don’t do it. Don’t go. It isn’t going to be worth it. No.

This is the same band that signed an endorsement deal with Snuggies. I know it’s a paycheck, but it doesn’t mean that you have to fucking do it, Rivers. Say no to things. Have some self respect. Don’t loop your fans from nearly twenty years ago into some nostalgic cruise concert.

Even the band looks bored out of their minds in this promo video for the cruise.