Australia running dangerously low on large kangaroo scrotums

It’s been raining a lot in Australia. One side effect of that, it seems, is that all of the kangaroos are running away to the desert to get out of the rain, and thus depriving the continent’s souvenir kangaroo scrotum industry of, well, scrotums.

Now, normally, taxidermist John Krueger (who claims to be the world’s only scrotum taxidermist) will sell about 1,000 items made of kangaroo scrotums a week, because there is of course a high demand for things made out of… kangaroo scrotums. Pouches, bottle openers, lighter covers, fax machines, tiaras, overshoes, whathaveyou. He gets them from kangaroo meat factories, as he is a “conservationist”, but alas, the only kangaroos hunters have been able to get their hands (or rather, guns) on lately have been the younger kangaroos who weren’t clever enough to run away to sunnier climes.

Usually, these kangaroo meat factories process about 20,000 kangaroos a week, but lately it’s only been about a quarter of that.

From the Brisbane times:

“Of course a big percentage of that are probably younger male kangaroos and they don’t have the right-sized testicles,” he said.”We want the big ones.”

He wants the big ones.

Luckily(?) for Krueger, he has about 50,000 kangaroo scrotums in cold storage, which is definitely the most horrifying refrigerator I have ever contemplated. He hopes these will last him until the rain lets up next Thursday.