The cast of ‘The Goonies’ — where are they now?

It’s been nearly 30 years since that Oregonian pack of kids sought out One-Eyed Willie’s treasure. The cast of Richard Donner’s 1984 scavenger hunt “The Goonies” was a family-friendly answer to “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (both were the brainchild of Steven Spielberg). Now that the actors who made up the titular gang are settled nicely into middle age–and Donner has confirmed sequel talks in the works–let’s see what they’re up to IRL.

1. Corey Feldman, Mouth


After an adolescent movie career that involved starring with Corey Haim in non-softcore porn flicks followed by starring with Corey Haim in a softcore porn flick, Corey Feldman married the really hot actress who played Brenda from “General Hospital”. Then he wedded another stunner and together had a son named Zen, who BTW should audition for “Episode VII” on the Jedi ring of his name alone — though dad might give him competition.

2. Jeff B. Cohen, Chunk


The token Jew of the Goonie clan, Jeff B. Cohen was actually born Jeff McMahon. But, as I discovered Bob Woodward-style back in 2008, the actor changed his name after his Irish father left the family household. “I was seven or eight,” he said. About six months after I took my mom’s name, partly because I would be getting credited on stuff that, in turn, would credit my old man who wasn’t around. So that’s my dirty little Irish secret.”

Cohen now practices entertainment law at Cohen Gardner LLP.

3. Sean Astin, Mikey


Sean married Miss Indiana Teen USA (not when she was a minor) and went on to have three daughters and star in a shitload of movies. Not just the Oscar-nominated cuddlefest with Frodo.

4. Kerri Green, Andy


Kerri has not returned any of my phone calls even though she lives not too far away in upstate New York. It might have something to do with being married with kids and being busy writing scripts and auditioning for bit parts for film and TV, but probably more to do with the fact that I’m just creepy at times. Come on, admit it: She’s cute.

5. Jonathan Ke Quan, Data


Jonathan Ke Quan had a decent run as a childhood actor and continued working through 2002, says IMDb. But who cares: Check out his GIF from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”.

6. Martha Plimpton, Stef


In addition to maintaining a boss Twitter account and killing it on Broadway, Martha Plimpton has been nominated for a Tony Award three consecutive years and one time messaged me on MySpace.

7. Josh Brolin, Brand


Brolin was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 2009 for his role in “Milk”. He is also married to Diane Lane (for now) and has Barbra Streisand for a mother-in-law stepmother. Do I need to go any further before we collectively jump out the window? Who knew a Goonie would do so well for himself.

8. John Matuszak, Sloth


After several rounds of plastic surgery — just kidding. That was the extraordinary combination of makeup and the magic of moviemaking that made John Matuszak look like the deformed manchild, Sloth Fratelli. Sadly, the former NFL defensive linemen died in 1989 from an accidental prescription overdose, but not before he posed in a hot spread [semi-SFW] for the December 1982 issue of Playgirl.

“The Goonies” @ IMDb