The GOP’s hideously embarrassing attempt to bribe Lady Gaga to play RNC

Oh no. I literally never thought it would be possible for me to feel bad for the RNC, but this is just so embarrassing and awkward that even I’m cringing for them.

Apparently—in the world’s saddest attempt to try to be hip and with it since your Mom showed up at Parent-Teacher Day wearing a beret and talking like Maynard G. Krebbs—Cater America LLC,  whose job it was to hire people to perform at the RNC tried soooo insanely hard (and failed) to get Lady Gaga to perform at this year’s convention. The snub was revealed in a lawsuit filed against the vendor by Republican fundraising organization American Action Network.

The lawsuit reveals that Pete Meachum, the Director of Development at AAN. was completely obsessed with getting the “Born This Way” singer to grace the RNC with her presence, and was all DO WHATEVER IT TAKES about things. They offered her a million dollars, she said no. They tried to tell her it was actually just an event “honoring women who run for public office”. She said no. They even tried to make it impossible for her to refuse by offering to donate $150,000 to a domestic violence shelter. She said no.

Which, hey, should not be too shocking for everyone in the entire world given that we are all pretty aware that Lady Gaga is sure as hell not a Republican. It’s just so sad that they thought they were going to pull that one off. I just picture them rubbing their hands together and thinking “AH YES, if we can get that Lady Gaga to play our sad hatefest, then all the kids will think we’re way cool and totally want to vote for Mitt Romney!”.

There are few things less disconcerting than Republicans trying to be cool. Like maybe your great Aunt Mabel lip syncing to Khia’s “My Neck, My Back” or being hit on in a bar by a 50 year-old man wearing a Mystery-style velour hat because he’s been reading up on PUA tactics or something.

The RNC’s pathetic, clammy-handed advances were also summarily rejected by the fabulous Dolly Parton and Pitbull.