11 uneccessarily gendered products you never knew you needed
Things are so confusing in this day and age! Ladies are wearing pants and voting and leaning in, men are doing their own laundry and being stay-at-home dads! Up is down, down is up! Thankfully, there are a few companies out there who are keeping the dream of binary gender roles alive and well.
1. Montery “Jill” Cheese
WHEW! This cheese solves all of my dairy aisle problems. It speaks to me as a woman. You know, because as a woman I am always on a diet (men are not ever on diets, FYI), and it prevents the inevitable embarrassment at the register that happens whenever I purchase Monterey Jack at the register and the cashier thinks I am a man.
2. Yorkie Bars
It’s true! Yorkie Bars are NOT FOR GIRLS. You can tell right from the name. Plus I ate one once in Toronto and immediately sprouted excessive facial hair. They are only available in manly flavors like “Raisin and Biscuit” and “Honeycomb.”
3. Bic Pens FOR HER
Finally! A ball point pen for us. Long have we struggled to correctly fit our lady fingers around the typical pen made for rough man hands. These pens are perfect for writing down shopping lists, keeping track of our mentalstruations, and drawing hearts over our i’s. WARNING: Do not use for math!
4. Scented Underwear for Gentlemen
These fancy new underwears for men by “Le Slip Francais” come in manly scents like “musk and pears” and probably “bacon and woodshavings.” I am not sure why. I mean, I imagine it is for their own personal enjoyment and not mine, because I would either not notice or it would weird me out. Then again, I have never actually figured out the purpose of edible underwear either.
5. Scotch Tape for Girls
This scotch tape is perfect for taping pictures of Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson to your walls.
As we all know, ladies love yogurt. But what about the mens? I mean, it’s not like they can just go around eating the kind of yogurt that makes Jamie Lee Curtis poo regularly, or that makes John Stamos appear out of nowhere to sex them for all the yogurt they’re eating, right? That is why someone invented manly yogurt for manly men. There is a bull on it, so you know it is not for ladies.
7. The ePad FEMME (a thing that’s like an iPad, but for LADIES)
The first pad for ladies that doesn’t go in our underwear! This little tablet is easy enough for a woman to use, and even fits halfway into a Whiting & Davis clutch. It comes pre-loaded with recipes, weight loss tips and the collected works of Marabel Morgan.
8. Pocky For Men
Pocky For Men will give you energy for all your manly duties, such as chopping wood, opening jars and being completely confused about how to launder your own clothing.
9. Earplugs for Women
These pretty pink ear plugs are perfect for bed time, or for keeping your last remaining brain cells from falling out of your pretty ears!
10. Kleenex For Men
A man’s Kleenex is not for crying. A man’s Kleenex is able to handle the gale force winds of manly nose blow. And wipe grease and blood off of things. And stuff. TOTALLY NOT FOR CRYING.
AT LAST! 12-dollar cereal that makes you good at sex. For both men and women! It looks like the women’s version comes with SPICE and the men’s version will give you ‘roid rage. Probably.
While, yeah, men and women probably do need different kinds of vitamin stuff for different bodily functions, this goes on the list because SEXCEREAL will never stop being hilarious. SEXCEREAL.
Several h/t’s to Sociological Images