Immaculately conceived anteater is the second coming of Jesus, probably

Staffers at the LEO Zoological Conservation Center in Greenwich, Connecticut, have a serious mystery on their hands.

After Armani the Anteater gave birth to her first daughter, Alice, in August, her husband Alf was separated from them. Male anteaters have a tendency to kill their young, which is probably why there are so many anteaters on the Ashley Madison site. Daddy issues, amirite? But, despite the fact that her hubby has been kept away, and she hasn’t been around any other male anteaters either, Armani has managed to become magically pregnant with another baby anteater, Archie. Who is probably definitely the son of god, coming to bring on the holy rapture of saints and Kirk Cameron.

The Center’s Director, Marcella Leone, believes that this¬†“might have been a case of delayed implantation, when fertilized eggs remain dormant in the uterus for a period of time.” However, other scientists aren’t sure that’s a thing that can happen to an animal that has recently given birth. Also it is nowhere near as fun as the Jesus Anteater theory.

Stacey Belhumeur, a zookeeper from Tuscon supposes that they probably managed to get it on through a fence while being separated, although Leone insists they were definitely separated by more than a fence.

There is only one logical conclusion here, folks. We are in the end times and we are all going to be led to the promised land by a magical anteater who will save our souls and bring peace on earth, and goodwill towards men and also Vermilingua .