10 movie sequels everyone wants but will never happen

Uncross your fingers.

1. Ghostbusters 3


Dan Aykroyd has incessantly teased the blogosphere and late night TV audiences with the development of a “GB” threequel. The rumor mill has eaten his ectoplasmic horse shit all decade, from the working title “Ghostbusters in Hell” to, more recently, a plot line involving Columbia University students. But no casting confirmations, no production dates, all talk.

2. Back to the Future 4


In February, director Robert Zemeckis told the Telegraph “there is no truth whatsoever” to whatever Internet rumors suggest that he and co-writer Bob Gale have a fourth “BTTF” in the works. And Zemeckis hasn’t ever changed his tune on this one. “Michael J. Fox is not in the best of shape with his Parkinson’s,” he said in 2008. “The idea of making another ‘Back To The Future’ movie without Michael J Fox … that’s like saying, ‘I’m going to cook you a steak dinner and I’m going to hold the beef.'”

3. Heathers 2


In 2009, Winona Ryder told US Magazine that a “Heathers” sequel was in the works and that Christian Slater “has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.” Gen X’ers crapped their pants with excitement until, days later, when director Michael Lehmann told the Internet popped that bubble. “Winona’s been talking about this for years,” he told Movieline. “She brings it up every once in a while … but as far as I know there’s no script and no plans to do the sequel.”

4. Beetlejuice 2


Initially tilted “Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian,” the follow-up script to the Ghost With The Most has been in development since before Bill Clinton took office. True, writer Seth Grahame-Smith (“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”) has been tapped to put together some sort of Beetlegeuse-ey treatment, but that hardly means Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis and the gang are ready for the afterlife again. Plus, R.I.P. the scene-stealing Glenn Shadix.

5. Kill Bill, Vol. 3


Quentin Tarantino teased his kung fu circlejerkers with the idea of a third installment’s focus on the daughter of Copperhead (Vivica A. Fox), who witnessed her mother’s murder and would seek vengeance on Uma Thurman’s Bride. But, in December, QT said nah. “I don’t know if there’s ever going to be a Kill Bill Vol. 3,” Tarantino told WGTC. “We’ll see, probably not though.”

6. Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money


I’m not the only one who wished Mel Brooks would have taken his “Dracula: Dead and Loving It” money and instead put it into Yogurt’s one-liner — just think of the ancillary revenues!

7. Police Academy


In the last couple years, New Line has commissioned multiple rewrites for the next installment for the 80s franchise which people are definitely excited about, ironically or otherwise. But director Scott Zabielski (“Tosh.0″) is the only other human being attached to the project. Basically, I call bullshit.

8. Old School Dos


Vince Vaughn recently admitted to reading a “pretty good” script for Todd Phillips’s follow-up to the 2003 comedy. Then again, Vaughn would probably show up to your nephew’s bar mitzvah for a reasonably negotiable fee. But the weird part is why Vaughn would expose his desperation for a project in which Will Ferrell long ago said he had no interest. “I wouldn’t do another Old School,” Ferrell said in 2008. “They put these rumors out there, these studio people, but I would never be behind that one.”

9. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie 2


All of you remember the 1987 title that killed off all the foul-mouthed infants in a garbage truck, but how about at the very end (this part) when the Topps trading cards’ children showed up alive and well and totally obnoxious right before the credits rolled? Uh huh. Obviously, MGM Studios realized they could have a franchise hit on their hands, but, after only raking in $1.5 million at the box office (on a $30 budget), I’m pretty sure the suits made the mutant ensemble get back inside their costumes so they could strangle them to death somewhere discreet on the back lot. So they’re probably dead.

10. The Graduate, Part Two


Buck Henry’s fictitious pitch to studio exec Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins) in Robert Altman’s “The Player” wasn’t too much of a reach: “The three principals are still with us,” Henry says back in 1992. “Ben and Elaine are married, still. They live in a big, spooky house up in northern California somewhere. And Mrs. Robinson lives with them …” Unfortunately, Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft) passed away in 2005, so we’ll just have to wait for the hologram movie invasion or something. Sucks.