Does it matter what a politician does in his bedroom if he doesn’t want to legislate yours?

The new Anthony Weiner scandal is obviously kind of funny. I mean, you’re just not even human if you do not think the pseudonym “Carlos Danger” is super freaking hilarious.

However, ultimately, all that anyone should really be caring about is his record, what he votes for, and how they, the residents of New York City, think he will do as a Mayor. That’s what matters. It’s totally possible that New Yorkers will not be won over by his public policy, or that they will just not be able to bring themselves to vote for a man who calls himself “Carlos Danger” on the Internet– but I certainly don’t think he “owes” it to anyone to drop out of the race.

Also, need I remind you of whatever your AIM screen name was?

I should probably say right off the bat that I do not consider Internet sexxxing to be cheating. Quite frankly, I think it’s the exact same thing as looking at porn, or calling up a phone sex line. It’s essentially masturbatory. And I have no vested interest in how anyone masturbates, unless it’s Betty Dodson and she has some helpful hints and tricks.

I should probably also mention that I think the girl who wrote to the website The Dirty to expose Anthony Weiner’s weiner was just as big of an asshole as anybody. Their “relationship” was consensual — given that it was over the Internet, it would be pretty hard for it not to be. She knew who he was, and probably knew about the scandal already. I don’t think she’s any better than men who submit nude pictures of their exes to revenge porn sites.

Did he lie? Yeah, the last time he did, this time he didn’t, whatever. You know what? All politicians lie, and it’s absurd to pretend they don’t. The entire Neo-Conservative movement was originally based on the idea of Plato’s Noble Lie — myths used by leaders to maintain a cohesive public (Leo Strauss, bitches, look it up). Politicians lie about being on the take from corporations, they lie and tell the public that Sharia Law is a legitimate threat, they lie and say that if gay marriage is legalized that Christian Pastors will have to perform gay marriages– they lie, they lie, they lie.  About everything. They also lie about their sex lives, you know, like everyone else in the world. We are all guilty of a thousand “lies of omission” on that front.

Lies about a politicians sex life are, for the most part, the least worst lies they can tell. I don’t need to know whether Sen. Lucy McGuillicutty prefers the Rabbit or the Hitachi Magic Wand when I go to cast my vote. I don’t need to know about Rep. Bill Bailey’s balloon fetish. It doesn’t matter to me, and, quite frankly — for the most part– it is none of my business.

Part of the reason I don’t care about who Anthony Weiner was sexing on the Internet is because Anthony Weiner was not trying to make laws to legislate what goes on in my bedroom or in my uterus. I think that these “scandals” only matter if it makes the person involved a hypocrite.

Example: Larry Craig was fair game. He legislated against gay rights, and then was having lots of hot gay sex in airport bathrooms. Newt Gingrich? Totally fair game. Goes on and on about “family values,” goes after Clinton for the Lewinsky affair, then cheats on his wife and divorces her while she’s dying of cancer. John Ensign? Also fair game. Same with Mark Sanford. These people make themselves fair game by demanding “standards” of the rest of us that they clearly cannot keep up to themselves. Anthony Weiner has never told me I can’t send naked pictures of myself over the internet.

The only people this should really matter to are Weiner and his wife. We don’t know what kind of relationship they have. We don’t know what kind of things they’re into, or what kind of rules and boundaries they have set for their relationship. For all we know, they could be swingers, or they could have an open relationship. For all we know, she could not care what he does on the internet as long as he’s not physically cheating on her with anyone else. At the same time, she could be crazy pissed at him, because that is something that the boundaries they have set for their relationship doesn’t allow. It’s not up to us to judge.

I honestly think that a politician can be crappy in their personal life and just fine in their political life. Then again, most of my family is from Providence, RI, which elected Buddy Cianci twice. Did he go to jail for assault during his first term? Totally. He was later re-elected, did some really great things to revitalize the city, and then went back to jail for racketeering, which is messed up. I can tell you right now, though, if he ran for Mayor again he’d probably win. Because people like what he did as mayor more than they care about his other stuff.

I don’t know, if I lived in NYC, that I’d vote for Anthony Weiner. On the one hand, he has a 100% rating with NARAL — on the other, he doesn’t believe the West Bank is occupied by Israel, which is bullshit. What he does with his free time on the internet, however, would not factor into my decision.

image: ABCNews