An unnamed Middle Eastern Prince spent $500k for 15 minutes with Kristen Stewart

OK. Say you are a superrich Middle Eastern Prince with riches and jewels beyond your wildest dreams, and you would like to use some of that money to spend 15 minutes with a famous person. Who would you pick? Would it be Kristen Stewart?

According to Harvey Weinstein, that is a thing that actually happened, and also he was the one “brokering the deal.”

The anonymous prince is, we suppose, such a rabid “Twilight” fan, that he was willing to donate $500,000 to Hurricane Sandy relief efforts just for the chance to bask in her presence for all of 15 minutes.

There’s really no part of this situation that is at all normal. I mean, first of all, if someone were going to donate $500,000 to charity in my name, I could probably hang with them for more than 15 minutes. That just feels awkward. What can you even talk about in 15 minutes? Did they talk? Did they just sit there? Did they play with “Twilight” action figures? What did they do? And why can no one figure out who this Prince was? How many Middle Eastern Princes that are super into Kristen Stewart could there possibly be? I cannot imagine that’s a huge demographic.

Also, um, out of all possible humans, you pick Kristen Stewart? I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with Kristen Stewart– I’ve never seen any of her movies so I couldn’t even tell you if there was– but it just seems like an awfully random choice. Although, really, I can’t think of anyone that seems like it would be worth half a million dollars to hang out with for 15 minutes.

Who could possibly be worth that? Elvis Costello, maybe. And only if he personally serenaded you with “I Want You” and he meant it and then you got to marry him and live happily ever after singing Cole Porter songs all day, as god intended.