‘Vote Republican or I’ll never make another movie again’ threatens Rob Schneider

In case you’ve been wondering why there has yet to be a follow-up to “Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo,” or “The Hot Chick,” or why the long-awaited “Rich the Copy Guy” movie never went into production, I have some very tragic news for you. It seems that the forces that be in the California government, with its Democratic super majority and all, are conspiring to make Rob Schneider not want to make movies there. Or something.

He appeared on the internet show “Politichicks” (which also features fellow comedic luminary and political dynamo Victoria Jackson) to announce that this is why he, a “lifelong Democrat” has switched parties and is now endorsing some random Republican dude who is not Arnold Schwarzenegger for Governor.

Schneider also explains that he had to move his vitamin business out of California, because of all the vitamin regulations there. So unfair. I mean, who among us wouldn’t want to ingest unregulated Rob Schneider vitamins every morning? That doesn’t sound at all poisonous! Or like it would turn you into a weird racist caricature of a Sexy Vietnamese Ice Cream Man or something.

Weirdly, this whole California Democratic Anti-Movie Machine is only affecting the career of Rob Schneider, and everyone else seems to be doing just fine with the making of movies. However, there was a rumor that the Illuminati and the Bilderberg Group conspired to end his television sitcom “Rob” after only 8 episodes. In fact, that is probably the very reason why I didn’t even know it existed until checking his Wikipedia page just now.

We do not know just how far this conspiracy goes at this point, although probably it is what happened to Joe Piscopo.

So, Californians, if you ever want to see Rob Schneider get dressed up as a minstrelsy version of an ethnic person and yell “You can do it!” at Adam Sandler again, I think you know how to vote.