Behold! The majestical trailer for Rick Santorum’s Christmas movie about magic candles

In case you didn’t know, or if you are like me and totally blocked it out even though you now recall giggling maniacally about it, Rick Santorum has given up politics and decided to be a big shot movie producer person. But, you know, a Christian big shot movie producer person. His first Christmas movie from Echolight Studios is “The Christmas Candle” which he claims is the only Christmas movie being released this fall—although, as Doktor Zoom at Wonkette helpfully points out, that’s totally not true, because Tyler Perry will be releasing “Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas,” so there.

Anyway, he made a movie about Christmas in some quaint town in England (probably because he hates America) whose love of candles is being threatened by a newfangled Reverend who wants them to use the Devil’s electricity or something. And a lady who is not being a proper god-fearing lady but then learns the error of her ways or something? I don’t know, um, Susan Boyle’s in it? And, sadly, Samantha Barks, whom I previously lauded as the only non-terrible casting choice in the Les Mis movie. Anyway, here it is:

Given the big deal the trailer placed on the fact that it was based on the book, “The Christmas Candle” by Max Lucado, I tried to Google to see what the actual plot of this story was. Unfortunately, the book does not have a Wikipedia page.

Max Lucado, however, totally does. It turns out he is actually a very prolific author of Christian books for Christian people. However, I have to tell you, many of the titles of these Christian books definitely sound like they could also be porn:

“When Christ Comes”
“Come Thirsty”
“Safe in the Shepherd’s Arms”
“No Wonder They Call Him The Savior”
“In the Grip of Grace”
“He Chose The Nails”
“Topical Bible Study Series”
Anyway, “The Christmas Candle” will be showing in theaters Church basements on Nov. 22nd, so get ready to be mesmerized by how totally awesome it is.