Theater evacuated after drunk woman shits, vomits at ‘Fifty Shades’ premiere

This week in Milton Keynes, England, the Cineworld multiplex theater (see photo) premiered its theatrical run of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” which was unfortunately bested by an audience member who could not control her bodily fluids.

The Milton Keynes Citizen reported that an unidentified woman, who was apparently intoxicated, began to shit her pants and vomit in her aisle during the nearly sold-out showing. It was impossible to not notice. “She lost control of ?everything, including all bodily ?fluids,” said one moviegoer. “The whole cinema stank.”

The theater was then evacuated, and the theater issued refunds to everyone. “We all expected to see Christian Grey gag ?Anastasia as part of the plot,” the eyewitness continued. “We certainly didn’t ?expect to be gagging ourselves because of the stench.”

The Citizen managed to speak to more than one attendee of the poor excuse of a softcore flick, which some people have apparently masturbated to while in the theater — though not at this particular screening.

“I’m not sure of her age but she so drunk she couldn’t move,” claimed another witness. “She practically had to be ?carried out. And the mess she left behind was just ?disgusting .. There was no way they could clean it up there and then. It would be a specialist job. So the film was stopped and everybody had to leave.”

[Milton Keynes Citizen]