DEA agent very concerned about stoned rabbits in Utah

A bill that would allow patients with debilitating illnesses to use edible forms of marijuana is currently making its way through the Utah legislative system, and special agent Matt Fairbanks of the DEA is having none of it.

Fairbanks testified before a Utah state senate panel and claimed that allowing this bill to go through would have devastating environmental repercussions.

“Personally, I have seen entire mountainsides subjected to pesticides, harmful chemicals, deforestation and erosion…The ramifications to the flora, the animal life, the contaminated water, are still unknown…I saw rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana…One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”

It’s worth mentioning that everything he said is probably true, but that doesn’t change the fact that his argument is idiotic. As the Washington Posts’s Christopher Ingraham points out, the negative environmental effects of growing marijuana crops are due to its illegal status. If you legalize it, you can grow it on farms. Plus, Fairbanks doesn’t seem to realize that rabbits are adorable, and stoned lethargic rabbits would probably be even better because you can just pet them and they’ll be really chill about it.

The panel clearly agrees, because they’ve sent the bill to the full senate to be debated further.