Teen robbers mistake dead man’s ashes for coke

In St. Peters, Missouri, some pesky teens robbed a residential address of several items. But the final insult came after the perps snorted a man’s ashes that were kept in an urn.

They thought it was a treasure trove of cocaine, apparently. I don’t know. “I just couldn’t believe that they would take the ashes,” victim Debora Matthews told a local news station. “But you know, they were kids and I guess just stupid.”

Apparently 17-year-old Devin Gesell (see mugshot) and two minors (not pictured, obv) were responsible for the raid, in which they allegedly stole $500 worth of jewelry, two Xbox game systems, Oxycontin pills, Oxycodone pills, morphine, $825 in cash and, according to the police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, “the ashes/remains of her deceased father.”

But here’s the M. Night twist: It turns out, the three teenagers were related to the woman who lived at the broken-in residence. (She was either an aunt or mother to the kids, it’s not clear.) But the ashes were her father’s, which means the teenagers snorted their own grandfather.

The teenagers eventually figured out that the stash they stole was not blow; when they happened, they scattered the ashes along the highway. Gesell is looking at burglary and theft charges. No word on any sort of slaps on the wrists for the other two kids.

[TSG | KMOV]

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