James Franco claims to be gay in interview with himself
The internet’s favorite liberal arts dilettante/stoner heartthrob James Franco has long flashed his metaphorical handkerchief at the gay community. He has played gay in movies, pretended to be gay IRL to Make Us Think, and even made a movie about gay culture that prompted one critic to wonder, “what does it mean that James Franco is playing with the fact that we know that he knows that we want to know whether or not he sucks dick?” (Answer: Nothing and everything, my child.)
Now, the dreamy public intellectual has faced the issue “head” on in queer-focused magazine ‘Four Two Nine.’ In a hard hitting interview with Gay James Franco, Straight James Franco cuts right to the chase, eliciting what might very well be the most James Franco statement ever uttered by any James Franco ever, gay or straight, living or dead, good or evil:
Straight James: Let’s get substantial: are you fucking gay or what?
Gay James: Well, I like to think that I’m gay in my art and straight in my life. Although, I’m also gay in my life up to the point of intercourse, and then you could say I’m straight. So I guess it depends on how you define gay. If it means whom you have sex with, I guess I’m straight. In the twenties and thirties, they used to define homosexuality by how you acted and not by whom you slept with. Sailors would fuck guys all the time, but as long as they behaved in masculine ways, they weren’t considered gay.
It would seem Dr. Franco stayed awake long enough in his Intro to Queer Theory class to know that the kind of sex people like to have has not always been considered an identity, partly because gay sex was considered a sin and nobody wanted to identify themselves that way. It’s also true that sexuality is varied and weird and not everyone fits into a neat little box. But it seems Franco is taking this historical fact and twisting it to justify his project of appropriating gay culture in order to seem more interesting, without having to put up with any of the bullshit gay people put up with. Not to mention, it’s 2015 and our understanding has advanced to the point that even my grandma knows there are all kinds of gay people who act all kinds of ways and like all kinds of things, and the one thing they have in common is that they all like to sleep with members of the same sex, a quality Franco does not seem to share. (Although, I feel like he has tried it at least once for the cred?)
“Get on the dick or get off,” said my gay friend John when reached by gchat. “You don’t get to ‘be gay’ but not have gay sex. He’s appropriating gay culture like white suburban kids appropriate black culture. Everyone wants to be a faggot but no one wants to be a faggot.” So there you have it: James Franco is to gay people as Iggy Azalea is to black people or Coachella girls in headdresses are to Native Americans, which is to say…more annoying than sexy. John then added: “He’s welcome to suck my dick any time, but I’d rather it be his younger hotter brother.”