School principals in trouble for calling teachers ‘vaginas on fire’

Two Orange County principals are experiencing backlash after someone discovered that they’d referred to their female employees’ vaginas as being “on fire” in a private text message exchange last year.

According to a report by local news station Channel 9, Assistant Principal Scott Peters of Dr. Phillips Elementary School made the offending statement to Principal Daniel Merchant in a morning text message presumably meant to warn him of the towering vaginal inferno that awaited him at school that day:


(Apologies if my headline was misleading…it’s just so much more satisfying to call someone a “vagina on fire” than to say their vagina is on fire…another mistake these dum dums made.)

It’s not clear how the texts became public or if there was anything else objectionable in the exchange. What is clear is that it fanned the flames of discontent among teachers and parents alike to the point where people started calling it “textgate.”

“Well it sounds like sexual harassment,” Teacher’s Union President Diana Moore told Channel 9. “I think that creates a very hostile environment for the employees at that school.”

Despite much public outcry (and private merriment, probably), the administrators were not fired over the incident, but issued written reprimands and sent on their way. “Right now, Merchant and Peters remain in charge of the school supervising the same female teachers referred to as vaginas on fire,” notes the report. Awk-ward.

While the bad little boys at the center of the scandal are now infamous in their town, the real breakout star of this story is handsome and stylish reporter Mario Boone, who spent upwards of six months uncovering hundreds of pages worth of files on the scandal and subsequent investigation, all so he could say “vaginas on fire” on camera in his Serious News Voice. Nice going, Walter Cronkite. Now my vagina is on fire…for you.