Gwyneth Paltrow says she is ‘incredibly close to the common woman’
It’s a little too easy to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow. She failed chemistry class, she thinks she can rap, and her naughtiest indulgence is turkey burgers. But just when you think it’s time to leave poor Gwynnie alone forever, she says or does something so goopily risible that you wonder if it’s part of her PR strategy (it’s not).
In a recent interview with CNN Money, Gwyneth was challenged on her absurd pose that she’s just a down-to-earth everymom doling out real world lifehacks like $845 sweatshirts and conscious uncoupling. To which she replied:
I’m incredibly close to the common woman in that I’m a woman and I’m a mother and we all are in a physical body with beating hearts with compassion and love we are all seekers… we all want fulfillment, we all want to live our best lives. We want to be healthy and happy and squeeze the most we can out of life. I think that’s all women.
Why, just the other day she let one of her children consume a kale chip that had been on the same shelf with bread products!
I always say that when people make that false assumption, it’s that they haven’t actually gone to the site and seen what we’re selling and seen what we’re about. We have products on the site that are under $10, we have products on the site that are $500…I think the idea is that we’re gonna find the best thing whatever it is, at any price point.
A quick scan of the GOOP store reveals this to be false; even the Original Nipple Balm for Lips is $15. Perhaps she meant to say “a hundred ten dollars”?
Now look: I’m not one of those people who hates Gwyneth for being rich. Being rich is awesome, she’s not hurting anyone but the açaí berries she blends into her vaginal rejuvenation masques, and I hope she squeezes the most she can out of life before she’s put up against a wall and executed in the Proletarian Revolution of 2025. I just wish she’d own up to the reality that, while she might technically share a chromosome combo and a general desire for happiness with the rest of us, she’s living on a softly lit planet in a gluten-free universe that orbits around a Phillip Lim chain-skort, and she’s not fooling anyone by pretending otherwise.