Video of spelunkers squeezing through tiny hole in ground will give you a panic attack

Do you find you’re feeling too calm at the moment and do you wish to elevate your heart rate to “frantic”? Try watching this video of multiple human beings doing their best impression of this octopus as they squeeze their tender meat-bodies through Mother Earth’s tiny, craggy vagina.

In what plays like the opening scene of “The Descent II: Tom Breaks His Dick,” numerous spelunkers attempt to build their “cave cred” (the videographer’s term, not mine) by cramming themselves through a hole in the ground that does not seem designed for such purposes. “I’m trying it just to see how it feels,” says one particularly funny cave violator. As if trying to enter the cave is not enough, there’s also footage of people trying to exit said cave that will give you nightmares about being stuck underground forever.

Improbable as it seems, this video was actually posted by adrenaline junkie and fire-spinning aficionado Bennett Lee in an effort to get people interested in the terrifying art of caving. Of the beckoning hell-portal, he writes:

Deep Cave is still being explored and mapped in an ongoing survey project begun in 1999 and has over 5.3 km (3.3 miles) of passages and a depth of 78.3 m (257 ft). Passages tend to alternate between tight crawls and spacious rooms with multiple leads. The cave is highly decorated with helictites, stalactites, stalagmites, columns, flowstone, draperies, moonmilk, and popcorn, and these formations are often intensely colorful.

If you would like to get started caving in the United States (and don’t worry–not all caves are this tight), check out the National Speleological Society (NSS) at www.caves.org. There you can find a local chapter, called a Grotto, where experienced cavers can teach you all about caving, gear, safety, etc., and get you started caving!

Thanks for the thoughtful invitation, but I think I’m good. If you need me I’ll be in the bathroom, rocking back and forth as I try to forget.

[h/t Laughing Squid]