Florida couple breaks into house, get asses kicked by female weightlifter

A pair of bumbling criminals in, yes, Florida have been brought to orange jumpsuited justice after an attempted robbery gone wrong.

Breaking and entering is dangerous business. Take it from someone who knows absolutely nothing about it: You never know whats lurking behind the door of someone else’s legal residence. Sure it could be just mounds and mounds of unmarked cash and Fabergé eggs tucked neatly into rolling suitcases but it could also be an ornery homeowner with a chip on their shoulder who for some reason has a problem with you ganking their stuff.

Be that as it may a pair of sticky-fingered numbskulls in Florida thought they had the perfect system worked out. It was all so simple: Kimberly Jarrell would knock on doors and if nobody was home her partner in crime, Tobias Cobb, would do the dirty work of B&E’ing the joint. And it seemed to be working out just fine until the homeowner, Margaret Gulla, returned home and that homeowner turned out to be a former weightlifter with a no-nonsense attitude and a mean hook.

I mean listen to this salty exchange. It’s downright Seagalian:

“You are in my mother and dad’s house and it ain’t happening,” said Gulla.

When Gulla tried to call for help, Cobb smacked her phone out of her hand and punched her in the face, according to the report.

“He hit me, so I socked him in his eye and he was trying to get away and I had him by his shirt and I wouldn’t let go. I tried to drag him to get to the phone,” said Gulla.

After receiving his well-earned smackdown Cobb was chased off by a neighbor only to be found cowering in a closet by police in possession of burglary tools and the weightlifter’s family jewels. The two nimrods were taken to county jail and charged with a series of crimes. Meanwhile the rump-kicking weightlifter’s final statement on the matter was:

Just don’t come back to my house again, because the next time you’ll get shot.”

Florida man. You can’t make this shit up.


[ClickOrlando | Photo: Volusia County Sheriff’s Office]