El Chapo has a testicle implant to fix his ED, claims Mexican newspaper

Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán is known for many things: His escapes from prison, his idiot son, and his tendency to murder anyone who gets in his way. But did you know that, in matters of the boudoir, he has, on occasion, had trouble with his sexual performance? Or so a right-wing-leaning Mexican newspaper has claimed.

In a story that seems engineered to tempt El Chapo into snuffing out its entire masthead, Reforma reports that the king of the Sinaloa cartel got an implant put in his testicles designed to cure his erectile dysfunction. Via Reforma and Google translate:

Between September and October last year, Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman underwent surgery in which doctors placed an implant in the testicles so he could get an erection, said sources close to the investigation into his capture. The implant improves blood circulation and is recommended to patients with erectile dysfunction, a disease that, according to the sources, the leader of the Sinaloa Cartel suffers.

Scars of the procedure carried out on Guzman Loera were detected by forensic doctors at Federal Criminal No. 1 Altiplano, when the drug dealer was admitted on January 8, after being captured in the city of Los Mochis. “I saw the scars on the back, hips and reproductive system,” the sources said.

Could it be that the world’s premiere supplier of booger sugar (or as I like to call it, Boner-B-Gone) is suffering from such a prosaic malady as coke dick? El Chapo, thou art mortal.

Reforma says he got the surgery at a hospital in Tijuana shortly after his now infamous meeting with actor Sean Penn and actress Kate Del Castillo, on whom he has a well-documented crush. Maybe he wanted to make sure he was ready if he got the chance to go all the way with her at their next meeting?

Of course, this story is tough to substantiate. It’s entirely possible Reforma made it up. But that would be a bold move, indeed, considering what happens to Mexican journalists who produce true stories about drug lords.

[h/t Rictus]