Donald Trump claims his wife doesn’t poop or fart

As you may know Donald Trump is good chums with Howard Stern, to the point where he has not ruled him out for a Supreme Court nomination.

Over the years, the real estate mogul has given numerous interviews to the radio host, and, during one studio visit back in 2003, Trump and Stern took off their jockstraps and hunkered down to have an intimate conversation about their special ladies’ bathroom habits.

After Stern described a detailed fantasy in which he and Donald sit together nude in a hot tub receiving oral sex from their partners, Beth and Melania, respectively, Trump steers the conversation towards what characteristics an ideal mate should possess.

The perfect woman, according to Trump, neither defecates nor breaks wind, and Trump claims his then-girlfriend Melania, who’s now his wife, has never done either.

The exchange occurs around the seven-minute mark.

The fecal back and forth proceeds as follows:

Trump: Howard let me just ask you. You said something a while ago about Beth that amazed me because it applies to Melania. You said you’ve never seen her do anything, like, bad, in terms of her own personal.

Stern: That’s true. She would never even do another chick.

Trump: No, no, not even that. You said you’ve never heard her fart.

Stern: Well, how bout this–

Trump: Is that true?

Stern: Not only is that true…

Trump: Isn’t that amazing? In years, three and a half years he’s never… Wow.

Stern: Not only is that true, she doesn’t make doody. She hasn’t made doody…

Robin: Never?

Stern: Like four times maybe.

Trump: In three years?

Stern: In three years.

Trump: Wow.

Stern: You think I’m kidding.

Trump: I can say the exact same thing about Melania.

Stern: How much does Melania weigh, do you know?

Trump: 125. She’s 5’11…

Stern: Perfect.

Trump: …125.

Stern: Wow.

Trump: And that’s good.

Stern: And she hardly goes to the bathroom?

After some banter about Stern’s wife, the King of All Media quickly turns the conversation back to the infantile matter at hand.

Stern: Does Melania work out or is that just natural?

Trump: It’s very natural. She works a little bit.

Stern: And she never makes a doody.

Trump: I’ve never seen any of that.

Stern: Wow.

Trump: It’s amazing.

Stern: You’re probably expecting a big one this year, though.

Trump: Maybe they save that for after marriage. Beth and Melania, maybe they save it for after marriage.

Artie: That is great!

Trump: But it’s amazing. You said that and I’ve never experienced that before.

After some further chitchat, Stern then goes on to grill Trump over the bathroom habits of his ex-wives, Ivana Trump and Marla Maples, asking whether Trump ever caught “a whiff.”

To be fair, this interview took place in 2003. So it’s entirely possible that there’s been one long, uninterrupted gas leak from Melania Trump since then, or that Trump’s views on flatulence have evolved past a third grade level. Only Melania, Donald, and their numerous manservants know for sure.