Heroic angry nerd refuses to review new ‘Ghostbusters’ movie

Not all superheroes wear capes. No one knows that better than Angry Video Game Nerd James Rolfe when he took the heroic stand of refusing to review the new “Ghostbusters” film for his geek culture site Cinemassacre. Rolfe recorded a video that is basically a 6-minute missive on why he refuses to see and review the new “Ghostbusters” and I think we can all agree that it is the pop-culture critical equivalent of when our grandpas all stormed Normandy and kicked Hitler in the dick.

Of course, you almost don’t even have to play the video, as the screenshot alone is worth 1,000 words.

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Granted, most of those words describe how this 35-year-old man looks like he’s sitting in a wet diaper. That alone tells you everything you need to know, but then Rolfe spends six minutes explaining how the sanctity of his childhood has been threatened because a studio rebooted a film that originally featured a giant, murderous marshmallow in a sailor outfit and a ghost who gave Dan Aykroyd a blowjob.

“‘Ghostbusters is something we all grew up with,” said Rolfe. “And we wanted to see the original cast back together one last time, while they were still alive, and then maybe introduce a new, younger cast. Work them in. Win us over. And then pass it on for a new generation.”

Kind of interesting how he lets the original cast off the hook, particularly Bill Murray, for continually passing on “Ghostbusters 3″ and thus preventing it from happening before Harold Ramis passed. Instead, all of his ire is directed at the team behind the new movie.

“This isn’t just any movie, this is ‘Ghostbusters,'” said Rolfe. “It’s one of the most celebrated franchises ever.”

Apparently a “franchise” is what Rolfe calls one really good 30-year-old movie, one horrific sequel, and a kids’ cartoon featuring the voice talents of Dave Coulier and Arsenio Hall.

As my esteemed colleague Miles Klee over at the Daily Dot pointed out, the one bright spot in this shit blizzard is that Harold Ramis “didn’t live to see this shit.” Right, we’re sure Ramis would have absolutely hated collecting a substantial check in return for showing up on set for a cameo, aka, an easy day’s work.

The Daily Dot catalogued a few other good points from Rolfe’s tantrum:

“Calling it Ghostbusters without having any connection to the original story or characters… ” Rolfe knows this without seeing the movie. That’s just the kind of sage he is. This film about busting ghosts bears no relationship to the other movies about ghostbusting.
“…is a shameless attempt to bank on the name.” Right on, brother! You just destroyed Hollywood’s entire franchise formula in one fell swoop! Give James Cameron hell! Down with Back to the Future!
It’s not a reboot, or a remake, but a “name-make.” Which is bad.

A shameless sellout of a beloved franchise? A new movie with tenuous connections to old characters? Couldn’t the same have been said for the failed “Jem” reboot film? Surely, by these parameters, Rolfe must have been furious when “Jem” was being remade!

Here are the Cinemasscre search results for “Jem”:

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It’s probably time for angry nerds who blame reboots for ruining their childhoods to ask themselves if they ever actually grew up in the first place.