Stephen Colbert’s Top Five Congress Quotes

This morning Stephen Colbert addressed and entertained the House Judiciary subcommittee.

Stephen Colbert's Top Five Congress Quotes

It was under an invitation from US Representative Zoe Lofgren from California that Colbert got the chance to address Capital Hill this morning.

Because he spent a day working on a farm in upstate New York recently, he was invited to share his “vast knowledge” on the subject of immigrant labor on American farms. The House reps surely had to devote most of their energies to suppressing their laughter.

Here are the best quotes from the morning:

“This is America. I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.”

“Maybe the easier answer is to have scientists create vegetables that pick themselves.”

“America’s farms are presently far too dependent on immigrant labor to pick our fruits and vegetables…Now the obvious answer is for all of us to stop eating fruits and vegetables and if you look at the recent obesity statistics, you’ll see that many Americans have already started…Unfortunately, my doctor has informed me that they are a necessary source of roughage. As evidence, I would like to submit a video of my colonoscopy into the congressional record.”

“It turns out, and I did not know this, that most soil is at ground level. If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we make the Earth waist-high? Come on, where’s the funding?”

“I’m a free-market guy. Normally I would leave this to the invisible hand of the market…but apparently, even the invisible hand doesn’t want to pick beans.”

Is Stephen Colbert directly influencing American agricultural policy?