America says fuck it, elects Trump president

Well guys, the end of the world is upon us. Trump won. He’s the president-elect. He dominated the race from the moment he got in and won it fair and square. No one hates Trump more than me, but damn it, he’s our president now and you have to give him credit. He was right and we were all wrong. He shattered modern political campaigning. Maybe forever. He ran the nastiest campaign in modern history and we still elected him. I know it’s hard, but you gotta get over it.

I mean, I’ve said some pretty bad stuff about him:

A hateful, empty vessel and one-trick pony

—Attention-starved, human comments section

—A damaged mind devoid of all shame or self-awareness

—He embodies the deranged, bankrupt soul of what’s left of half the country

—Trump’s candidacy is more than a suicidal thought experiment. Trump is the torture porn of American politics

—Toxic, hate-fueled, mutant Trump campaign

—A syphilitic, demented basket case, jabbering on about immigrants and stumbling into the Republican convention

—Small-handed, loudmouthed schmuck

—The embodiment of the irrationality, hypocrisy, and conspiracies of the Obama era, all distilled into one sublimely repulsive human being. A vain, ghastly, racist, bronzed and bloated criminally insane con artist who would make himself god-king, based entirely on his own viral personality. Trump is the rottendotcom of politics

—If Kenny Powers, Macbeth, and Jack Donaghy had a greasy, angry three-way, and the fucked up Benjamin Button old man-baby it produced decided to run for president, you would have the current Republican nominee

—The most unstable, putrid, awful person to ever be nominated by a major American political party

—A person of pure diabolical malevolence, viciousness, and insanity

—A creature without regrets, second thoughts, or self reflection of any kind. A complete and total psychopath

—An evil person, and he represents all that is predatory and disgusting in the American character

— A craven sideshow of sexual violence, with a toxic personality and qualifications that make Sarah Palin look like fucking James Baker

—Infantilized dirty old man

I’ve mused about him having a stroke and even started a rumor that he has dementia, but fuck it. He’s the boss. Right or wrong, crazy or not, evil or otherwise, he’s the motherfucking American president. I doubt it’ll be as bad as some people say, but it will definitely be worse than most people think. And even in the darkest hours of whatever hell this man is about to put the country through, just know, deep down, that you brought this on yourselves. It will be interesting to watch a person incapable of taking responsibility for his many shortcomings, and who loves to blame others, sit and squirm in a vice where accountability is a prerequisite. He can always blame the country, and the kicker is, he’d be right. All that’s left now is figuring out how to proceed forward.

I hope things work out. They won’t, and everyone will come to regret it, but whatever. We deserve this. A bad tree can’t bear good fruit. This will not end well for anyone. We finally got what was coming to us. The Supreme Court is lost and a lot of what Obama has done will be reversed. And the whole thing will cycle back through again, but this one hurts. Maybe the upside is Democrats will now probably win big in 2020 and redraw the map, until then, I don’t know about you, but I’m going into hiding like fucking Yoda. The battle is lost. It’s not worth staying and fighting because the enemy is us. So congratulations, President Trump. Now go make America great again.

[photo: Getty]

Tags: Donald Trump