Coldplay to unite Israel, Palestine in hatred of their shitty music

Once upon a time, indie joke band Art Brut expressed a desire to “be the band that writes the song/that makes Israel and Palestine get along.” Now it seems Coldplay has beaten them to the punch and that song is all their songs, as they’ve announced plans to unite the warring nations in hatred of their terrible music at a pair of massive “peace concerts.”

The British piano-rock group has announced not one, but two concerts in support of peace efforts in the region, which will be held at a 50,000 capacity outdoor venue in “an agricultural area” north of the Dead Sea on November 3 and 4. This places it in the disputed West Bank, an area most two-state solution advocates want to claim for the Palestinian state but which is currently under Israel’s control. Tickets, which will be available soon, will be sold to both Israelis and Palestinians in hopes these two peoples will find common cause in mocking Coldplay’s whiny vocals and soporific, adult contemporary sound.

Coldplay is hardly the first band to try this; Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters and the late Leonard Cohen have both played peace-geared concerts in Israel in the past, but sadly neither was anywhere near terrible enough to unite anyone but the most recalcitrant musical contrarians. Here’s hoping Coldplay has what it takes to create a durable resolution to the conflict.

[Photo: Getty]