Trump threatens ‘menace’ North Korea: ‘We’re building our military rapidly’

Donald Trump called North Korea a “menace” in a joint press conference Thursday with Italian Prime Minister Paolo Gentiloni, confirming the law of “Takes one to know one.” The President also offered a friendly reminder that he’s dispatching warships to the Korean peninsula to bully Kim Jong-Un into discontinuing nuclear missile tests.

“As far as North Korea is concerned, we are in very good shape,” Trump said. “We’re building our military rapidly. A lot of things have happened over the last short period of time. I’ve been here for approximately 91 days. We’re doing a lot of work. We’re in a very good position.” Speaking of positioning, my dude, did you ever figure out the location of that destroyer you misplaced?


North Korea wasn’t the only country at which Trump cosplayed toughness. The president criticized Iran’s compliance with its pledged nuclear program curtailment and said the country has “not lived up to the spirit of the agreement,” contradicting his own State department’s announcement on Tuesday that Iran was compliant. Trump continued, “We are analyzing it very carefully and we’ll have something to say about it in the not too distant future.” Dope, thanks for the cliffhanger.

In fairness, the worm-infested apple-in-chief wasn’t all blustering aggression. Trump said he does “not see a role in Libya” for the studied reason that “the U.S. has enough roles.” And before telling Italy to pay NATO more money, Trump at least took the opportunity to “reaffirm [U.S.] support for historic institutions.” The bloody turnip even extended an olive branch to Pope Francis, whom Trump previously called a “disgraceful” “pawn” for questioning his Christianity. “I look very much forward to meeting the Pope,” Trump said.


Of course, Trump also displayed the requisite factual slipperiness and delusion. Kicking off the press conference, Trump commended Italy’s artistic tradition with a tribute:

“Through the ages your country has been a beacon of artistic and scientific achievement. That continues today from Venice to Florence, from Verdi to Pavarotti, a friend of mine, great friend of mine.”

While acclaimed tenor Luciano Pavarotti certainly was a beacon, his achievement doesn’t continue today, since he died in 2007. Also, his daughters hate you. They called you “incompatible” with the “values of brotherhood and solidarity that Luciano Pavarotti upheld throughout his artistic career,” and demanded you stop using his music at campaign events. Great friends.


[screenshot: MSNBC]