No, Barron, your dad didn’t fall off a cliff
Barron, we know things are tough. Nobody in the family expected dad to follow through on the whole presidency thing, and when he did, he didn’t visit for four months. A comedian made fun of you online. Mom made you ditch your prep school friends, then you had to stop wearing your favorite T-shirt because all the kids bought the same one. Stephen Miller won’t stop asking to hang out. A comedian pretended to kill your dad online.
We get it. So, just to get ahead of some potential trauma — because we care — we’d like to report that Donald Trump did not fall off a cliff. This totally insensitive website, in which users can launch the president off a precipice, inside a volcano, down a pothole, or into the jaws of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, which totally crossed the line and you should not play and share with your friends, does not depict real life.
I understand that it can be confusing what’s actually happening to your dad after consuming his image almost exclusively on screens for the past 11 years. Even his own television show was fake. Confusing! But, again, this completely offensive game, in which users can kill the president in various ways, and which you should not share on Facebook, is just a joke. Your dad did not actually get eaten by a dinosaur.
Just so you know.