Tinder date ends with woman stuck in window reaching for bag of her own shit

University of Bristol student Liam Smith’s Tinder date with an “amateur gymnast” started innocently enough with drinks and a documentary and ended with firemen prying the woman out of a window after she got caught trying to grab a bag of her own feces.

Smith laid out the story in painstaking detail on a GoFundMe campaign he started to fund repairs for his broken window after first responders showed up to liberate the captive woman. I recommend checking out the campaign because there are pictures of the whole ordeal.

According to the GoFundMe, Smith’s date excused herself to use the bathroom and returned in a panic after the turd she parked in his bathroom refused to flush. So, she did what any first date would do and fished it out of the bowl with toilet paper and chucked it out the window. Unfortunately, it got wedged between two windows.

I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened. Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, seperated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.

Instead of rescuing the shit by smashing the window pane, Smith’s date tried to climb out the window and reach down with a baggie over her hand. Unfortunately, she got stuck and Smith had to call the “fire brigade” (England) to come and retrieve the poor girl. The process of busting the girl out of the window required a handful of firemen and resulted in several hundred dollars worth of damage, hence the crowdfunding campaign. Smith vowed to donate any extra funds to toilet- and firemen-themed charities.

This chick should meet the woman who wrapped up shit and hid it in her purse when her date’s toilet wouldn’t flush. They’d have a lot to talk about.

Apparently, getting stuck in a window after throwing shit out of it wasn’t a deal breaker for Smith because he told BBC News that they’ve seen each other since the doomed first date. “Who knows what the future holds,” Smith said of the blossoming romance.

Invite us to the wedding, kids. And make sure the toilets work.

[Photo: GoFundMe]