Ted Cruz doesn’t deny masturbating

Like the rest of us who weren’t up late Monday night scrolling through shitposts on our cell phones, Texas Senator Ted Cruz told reporters Tuesday that finding out his Twitter account had liked a pornographic tweet from the account @SexuallPosts “was not how I envisioned waking up this morning.”

Cruz blamed “someone” accidentally hitting the like button and referred to the whole thing as a “staffing issue” (though one would think the porn would hopefully help with that).

“We’re dealing with it internally but it was a mistake, it was not malicious conduct,” Cruz added.

Note, however, that this explanation doesn’t account for how Cruz’s account came to be looking at the pr0n in the first place. It’s not as if Twitter just throws vids of people boning at anyone who logs on the app (though, sometimes it’s borderline). Does Cruz’s account follow @SexuallPosts? Or does someone Cruz follows follow @SexuallPosts and they retweeted or liked the porno and it showed up on Cruz’s TL, where it was inadvertently liked? Or was someone logged into Cruz’s account actively searching for @SexuallPosts. If so, why, if not to jerk it?

Cruz’s non-explanation also is predicated on the public taking his word for it that he wasn’t the porn perpetrator — a tall order considering this is a guy who once put himself on his own volition in a position where he publicly had to deny the desire to have sex with rodentia.

Cruz added that if he had known this all would trend so quickly, he would’ve publicized his masturbation habits back during the Republican primary.

Us, too, Ted. Us, too.

[photo: AP]