White House press corps to John Kelly: Thank you sir, may I have another?

White House chief of staff John Kelly had reporters eating out of his hand during a surprise appearance at Thursday’s press briefing. After months of dealing with uncouth, shrill loudmouths, the gaggle was more than happy to be talked down to by an eloquent bullshitter for a change, generally appearing to enjoy being berated by a man in uniform.


“One of his frustrations is you, all of you — not all of you, but many of you,” Kelly said of the president’s feelings about the press. “It is astounding to me how much is misreported. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are operating off of contacts, leaks, whatever you call them. But I would offer to you the advice, I would say, you know, maybe develop some better sources.”

I don’t know if you heard that in the background — that’s the sound of laughter coming from the very people Kelly was at that moment criticizing for being shitty at their jobs. In general, it seemed the retired general successfully got the press to temporarily forget that people are drinking toxic water in Puerto Rico and nuclear war might break out any moment. Kelly certainly seemed to be enjoying himself.

Don’t be mistaken: This was all just very expensive lipstick on what is still a very ugly pig. Kelly was lying through his teeth throughout the entire briefing — at one point he said Trump is “a very thoughtful man” and that “he takes information in from any avenue he can receive it” — Kelly is just actually good at it, unlike anybody else who normally is tasked with speaking for the president. And the press lapped that shit right up.

That’s the D.C. beltway press for you, though — true masochists through and through.

[photo: AP]