Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Harpooned by Traffic Light

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was taken down like Moby Dick.

Here’s one for the parade-route lesson book. When it comes to parades and other festivities nothing says epic fail like hundreds of screaming children.

Clearly Rudolph didn’t stand a chance. And the entire disgraceful deflation is an apt metaphor for American exceptionalism; A bunch of weirdo Santa Elves rolling around on Segways handing out gifts to kids only to watch their golden calf stabbed in the head. Say what you want about the Chinese, but this type of shit does not happen in Shanghai.