Dream Act 2010: Keep Dreaming

The Democratic party was in a festive mood after the House of Representatives passed a bill granting legal status to students who immigrated to the United States illegally.

Dream Act 2010: Keep Dreaming

America: the land of endless opportunities. As long as you are white, rich, your parents were born in the United States, you cannot distinguish between raising your voice and speaking another language, and peanut butter is one of the three essentials you would take to a deserted island over a knife.

On Wednesday, the House of Representatives passed a bill that could grant a laborious, daunting path to citizenship for hundreds of thousands of alien immigrants who were brought to the United States illegally as children.

However, when the bill was brought to the Senate on Thursday for a vote that could open discussion in advancing the legislation, Senate majority leader Harry Reid deferred the vote until later this month.

Everyone knows what that means. Goodbye Dream Act. The bill passed the House by a vote of 216 to 198, and while President Obama and Democratic leaders shared in a Rocky moment of unexpected victory, Senate Republicans have put a block on the vote until the Obama tax deal passes.

But thanks to the constant “Les Miserables” style tug of war that governs every decision made in the Senate in American history, that just may never happen.

With a splash of cold irony, House Democrats pushed the entire affair even deeper into the closet on Thursday, when they voted to block the Obama tax deal from even sneaking on stage for a vote due to the relief benefits for the wealthier brackets.

And the merry goes round. I would not start picking out your favorite college colors dear immigrants.

The Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act, or the DREAM Act, was first proposed in the United States Senate in 2001 and was re-introduced there and the House of Representatives in 2009.

The bill offers potential citizenship for certain illegal and deportable alien students who meet a series of unending criteria. Candidates must have arrived in the United States illegally and under the age of 16, graduated from a U.S. high school, have lived in the U.S. continuously for at least five years prior to the enactment of the bill, and be of “good moral character.”

Candidates may have trouble meeting the criteria of that last stipulation as the term’s definition may fluctuate depending on who is determining what constitutes “good” and “moral”, and even “character”.

So far adultery, embezzlement, shameless desecration of family values and a gaping lack of general consideration for human beings would not appear to prevent illegal aliens from moving forward with the application process.

Once able to verify eligibility, the individual would have to apply formally, though, at this point, as the legislation has not yet passed the application format remains unknown.

Government officials speculate that the first round of applications will consist of a vicious game of pin the tail on the donkey where a small, blunt pin will be replaced with a jagged, rusty blade, followed by a Martha Washington wig making contest, all to be scheduled after a night of sleep deprivation and a thin six-day diet of Four Loko and craisins.

Once the candidate has been approved and granted conditional permanent residency the individual would either have to enroll in an institution of higher education or enlist in the United States Military.

It looks like the fashion war between sweatpants and fatigues will not be put to rest any time soon.

84 years later after completing a series of humiliating and degrading acts, the applicant is considered for the honor of applying for Legal Permanent Residency, and if granted that title, and the candidate is not yet deceased from old age, he or she is able to apply for United States Citizenship.

Republicans responded to the expedited procedures employed by Democratic leaders to bring the bill to a vote unsmilingly. Texas Republic, Lamar Smith, said the bill “encourages fraud and more illegal immigration on a massive scale” according to The New York Times.

With the House being dominated by Republicans and the new Republican Congress in effect, the chances of the legalization of the legislation look about as promising as Sarah Palin ever shutting the hell up.

When the house passed the bill illegal immigrant students celebrated the faraway, once unfathomable concept of gaining legal status in the country in which many of them were born.

Many of these students demonstrated devotion to the process through marches, hunger strikes, sit-in protests, and some went as far as to send samples of their blood to lawmakers.

Though in retrospect, the signal might have hit more favorably with a fruit basket or a nice pen.

Lead sponsor of the bill, Howard L. Berman, envisioned an opportunity for hardworking, earnest, talented individuals to be granted equal status in a country where their unique skills and capabilities could be utilized and appreciated.

These are all valid, decent, honorable sentiments. He just may have chosen the wrong country.